Rank, schmank

“So what does that black belt around your waist mean?”

Everybody knows about my big test and what it means to me. Hell I practically put out a press release. I have mixed feelings about the event and have generally kept them to myself, others are gladly sharing their expectations. Some friends want to be there to record the event, others have offered encouragement's and well wishes which I expected, but not the sarcasm.

Teri- who is a second degree black belt, had fun ribbing me to no end. “Hey, now that your a black belt this will be easy. Hey, did you know getting a black belt meant you are supposed to be good at this? Hey, as a black belt you should be able to-” I get it. It’s true, everyone I know is a smart ass.

Getting rank doesn’t make you an expert, to which my sensei heartily agreed. In fact I doubt I will ever be able to offer anyone advise on what to do in class and will point to the sensei and let them handle a students question.

One time my brother grilled me on my pseudo ninja techniques. ”So what do you do if someone like comes at you with a sword?” he asked in earnest.

“You get out of the way Bruce.” I answered with much eye rolling. Another time a friend asked me to demonstrate aikido for her.

“Ok, go ahead and grab my wrist.” I offered. She declined.

What have I gotten myself into?

Rondori Round Up

There are two elements to this story. Rondori is an art where you have multiple attackers come at you all at once. his technique is only done at tests. It requires great focus and extending ki for a long time -about forty seconds. If you don’t think this is long have four of your favorite enemies come and grab you at once and time how long you last. I also happen to have a artificial left eye which will be relevant in a moment.

We were doing rondori practice at the Portland dojo. The brown belts testing today get four attackers. I get five for my black belt practice. We are all having various levels of success from complete dog pile to keeping people at bay like a mobbed rock star. I go up for the second time to practice and like the other times it’s a slog- not good. Suddenly a body part crashes into my left eye and I reflexively cover it with my hand. The sensei asks if I’m alright, I assure him and we go on. I’m sure many were concerned if my vision was affected.

The truth is far more gruesome. I was worried the damn thing would to pop out from the force of the impact and land on the floor. This would be a) totally gross causing someone to puke. Eww. b) totally embarrassing “Sorry” I say as I scurry to pick up the errant prosthetic. Undignified. c) totally distracting “Don’t step on it!” they would shriek and back away in horror. My sensei suggested I use this tactic in the future, like a lizard who drops their tail to confuse a predator. I don’t normally mention this peculiar feature -most people don’t even know about my eye-but this event reminded me of another incident.

I was stage manager at a local theater doing a vaudeville show and during the audience warm up the juggler got me to toss his juggling pins back and forth. One hit me painfully in the left eye and he was understandably mortified.

“Oh my God are you alright? Can you see my hand?” he waved his hand before my injured eye.

“No” and he looked even more horrified “But don’t worry I’ve never seen out of this eye.” I chuckled. The look on his face was priceless.

Hey this might be worth exploiting after all.

Rest in Peace

I was sweeping the patio the other day and reflecting on how much I’ve changed over the years of aikido training. One of those changes is realizing I’ve changed at all, I’m not too sharp on self observation. As I was merrily reflecting on the new me a sense of loss came over me as I mourned the the old me.. Sure she was cranky, bitchy and hard to get along with but she was familiar and comfortable. She pushed on even when things got tough. She had a way of looking at things that made sense.

But now she’s gone, replaced by a 48 year old who thinks it’s possible, just possible fate may be kinder to her. A person who can be calm in the face of everyday annoyances like waiting in line at the grocery store or trying to find her keys. A person who can be optimist for hours at a time. I’m not sure what to do with this person I’m not sure I trust her- she’s new to me. I sometimes pine for old me wistfully, not that I would greet her with open arms, no the time for us to part is here, still. I guess I have to get used to the new me.

Performing Live-One night Only!

Here I am ready to take on a new rank and in my enthusiasm while ordering a hakama I forgot to get a black belt. Well there’s a duh moment for you.

We have doing dry runs of the test for the las month in class and I will be glad to get the test over with. I’m ready. I feel like I did when rehearsing for a play -ok I know my lines let’s get on with this. I’m not being impatient-well maybe a little, it’s just that I don’t like to overwork anything and rob it of spontaneity and fun. I don’t think of this as a test that backs me into the corner of pass or fail mode and I tense up. This is more like a performance.

The senior sensei asked me how I felt about the test and if I was nervous. No, it’s like the theatre, I’m nervous for about 15 seconds before I go on stage then I’m fine. Once you’re out in front of an audience you got to deliver. When I first did theater in high school I had terrible stage fright and by the time I was in an acting class in college it was so bad I gave up on acting.

Well aikido changed all that (among other things). Now I have no problem facing a crowd and told the sensei I was fine with it, in fact several people have expressed interest in seeing the test- excuse me, performance.

When I step on that mat, I will deliver. First I have to buy a black belt.

A Hole in the Heart of Eugene

"Save the hole! Save the hole!"

I love the hole. It’s an empty cement pit in downtown Eugene that used to be the Sears store before they moved out to the mall. For a couple of years afterwards it was a sad eyesore of a building. Sprayed with graffiti; a ghastly blight on the urban landscape. Then, in a sudden burst of desperate development the city (which owns the property) had it torn down leaving an open wound. Every week when I go to work at the library across the street I am stirred by this barren existential monument.

But wait! The city of Eugene and developers are looking at the downtown with grand plans for it’s future. This has to be stopped. If hole is to remain deserted and ugly, any half hearted, spendy attempts to improve it must be stopped.

Like the other hole on Willamette street it is vital the Hole remain a symbol of poor city planning it so eloquently represents. We can not allow another miscued ploy to create a bustling, lively environment for people to live or stroll about on a warm summer night. A place where art galleries and cafes thrive to bring folks to the center of town. Oh no.

We can not allow the library, bus depot and the MacDonald theatre to be swamped with desirability. It would put an end to the complaining and sarcasm if brighter minds got their way. We must maintain the whiny, backward, loser mentality that is the hallmark of Eugene.

Better yet as someone at the library wondered “Wouldn’t it be ironic if Sears bought the property and built another store there.” Now there’s the kind of irony we need around here. Besides the hole is fine as it is. The city could put a sign on the cyclone fence offering canoes rides when it fills with rainwater and make some money off of it or simply use it as a convenient garbage dump.

Next week the Willamette Street hole.

Aikido Boot Camp

Twice a year there is a weekend of aikido training -one in spring and in the fall. It’s a chance to catch up on the latest in techniques, meet old friends and generally have a good time. Not for me. I don’t sleep well away from home, I’m not a morning person and the long days of training are hard on this out of shape old broad. On top of it since I worry about screwing up on the mat, I’m unsociable company off the mat. I tend to keep to myself out of fear of embarrassment.

I like the Portland dojo, it’s big and airy with lots of room for the fifty people attending. The mats are soft and forgiving when thrown on them and along with a foam pad, easy to sleep on. Behind the dojo is another building where meals are served. We always eat well and this time is no exception.

Surveying the gathering crowd before the first class, I notice we are all a little older, a little grayer, a little heavier. The same group of instructors in their hakamas cluster around like a herd of penguins as they greet each other. A group of younger hard core students sit together on the mat as they warm up, eager to get started.

The senior instructor Tabata Sensei is an intense, serious man. He’s a bit testy when someone doesn’t get it right away. Well it’s easy for him, he’s been doing this since he was an embryo. As he grills a pair demonstrating a particular waza ( technique)-poorly it seems- me and a friend exchange “Better them than us” glances. I get the treatment later as I grab for a jo someone pokes at me -grabbing is a no-no.

“Don’t grab the jo.” he says as he shows me the proper way to do it.

“I’m not, I’m trying to grab their wrists.” and instantly cringe at my wrong response.

“Don’t grab their wrists either!” he scolds. It must be very trying for adepts to deal with us simpletons. A dozen try's later I finally figure it out.

In the evening we have a kiatsuho class; a very good idea after a day of physical activity. Kiatsuho is a form of healing where you put your hands on a person and send ki to an injured area, restoring their energy and improving circulation. Kind of like cosmic jumper cables. It’s very relaxing too. I know I’m doing it right when I start to fall asleep while working on someone.

When the visiting Canadians go off for beer later, who knew they were such party animals, I sit in the quiet of the dojo nursing my own. I’m dead tired, aching and mentally wiped out by the day’s training. Every year I swear I’m not doing it again and every year I drag myself here for a weekend of intensity I’d otherwise avoid. It’s like the Peace Corps slogan, it’s the hardest work you’ll ever love.

The Big Black Belt Test

It's official, the day for my black belt test -shodan- in aikido is May 4th 2008 in Portland Oregon. This is truly an important milestone for me and I'm naturally nervous about ti.

I should point out that the test is not a pass or fail affair. You are invited to take the test when the teacher feels you are already at that level. The test is a demonstration of your skill in front of the senior instructors. It is the longest test a student takes with a variety of techniques including defense against weapons. The finale includes a lovely exercise called rondori where five people attack at once. This is actually a lot of fun when you are doing it right and very scary when you're not.

Wish me luck!

Thank You for Not Fighting part 2

I had a heavy duty lesson in the ways of the non fighting mind. At the core is the idea of relaxing. Instead of tensing up or going berserk- my usual reaction when faced with resitance, continue to relax until I can move again. This technique allows me to stay calm and clearly see my way out a mental bind. The concept is utterly foreign to my regular “once you screw up, that’s it” mentality. It’s one thing to learn this in aikido but it was a mind blower when I discovered it worked in real life too.

And boy was my mind blown.

I went to Portland to see the Cirque du Soliel show “Corteo”with two friends. With tickets in my hot little hands Chris and I headed up I-5 in her truck. She was feeling sleepy so I took over driving. I like hiway driving, it’s not as crowded with decisions as city driving but the heavy downpour that day obscured my visibility making it more stressful than usual.

Arriving safely at the venue, we got in line and I handed over the tickets to the nice lady with the high tech ticket scanner in her hand. She informs there is a with the tickets.

“Did you order these on line?”she asks puzzled by the information she’s getting.

Ok folks at this point I normally lose it. “What do you mean there’s a problem asshole, I can’t believe you people screwed this up!” I knew the universe would jerk me around, oh no Alisa can’t have fun without giving her a hard time first. I kid you not, this is the kind of thing that goes on in my paranoid imagination.

Very calmly I tell her, no I ordered them on the phone. Oh wait I remembered, I worried I wouldn’t get them in the mail in time so I called back a week later and had them placed on will call. Relieved of the confusion she tells me to check the box office. Again, I calmly go and sure enough they are there. I return and she scans them again.

“I hope this works out because you don’t want to see me go ballistic.” I say half jokingly. She laughs and informs me everything is fine and thanks me for figuring this out. Again all is calm.

“What was wrong with the tickets?” Chris asks with some hesistation-she’s seen my temper before.

“They were sent in the mail and these were in the box office.” I state with perfect bureaucratic understanding. We are admitted to the grand chapeau and have a great time watching incredibly talented, good looking people do amazing things.

When I got home that night I checked my VCR to see if it recorded an opera on TV while I was gone. I pull out the tape and discover it hadn’t. What the hell I frowned, the VCR didn’t work? Now what do you think my reaction normally would be at this point? Throwing the tape at the wall and cursing technology maybe. Instead I calmly go thorough the potential causes and figure out that it thinks it’s the day before because of the leap day we had this year. I reset the VCR. Well too late, I mean the show is over. Impulsively, I check the TV guide and it’s repeated in the wee hours that night. As I stand there resetting the VCR I’m astonished at how clearly I can think by staying calm.

And I am truly astonished and recognize the feeling from that last aikido class. When you’re mind gets stuck, relax and you can get your one point again and move forward.

Holy shit this stuff really does work.