Thursday, February 26

There be Dragons

For a change of pace I offer a little tale for your reading pleasure.

An Encounter With a Dragon

It was a bright, hot summer day for a hike in the foothills of the Cascades. My friend Brandy and I had been hiking for some time and decided to seek shelter from the heat. We discovered a wonderful cave hidden amid a grove of pines and happily put our packs down.
In time we grew curious about the opening and with flashlights in hand, entered the mouth. To our surprise it was quite deep. The cool dampness was a relief but it went on -seemingly endlessly. I stopped in hesitation but my curiosity and Brandy's insistence got the better of me and we pushed on.
Never listen to your friends.
The passage widened and soon we were in a huge cavern. Instead of being cooler it got warmer with a tinge of sulfur in the air. We rounded a corner and stopped in our tracks, dumbfounded by the sight.
Ahead was a very large pile of -stuff. Shiny things of every imaginable size and shape. Coins, vases, hubcaps, several car bumpers, silverware, canteens, goblets, all in an absolute mess of silver, gold, brass and chrome. On top of this large mass was a large dragon sound asleep.
He was at least fifty feet long from head to tail with iridescent scales of green and black; most very sharp and jagged. His wings were folded back against his back as he snored, letting out a prolonged rumble with each breath. The legs were neatly tucked under his voluminous girth like a cat- a huge scaly well armored cat.
“Wow, look at all this cool stuff. “ Brandy practically shouted and I frantically gestured for her to lower her voice. I told her that dragons were very protective of their horde and they don’t like to be disturbed.
“Like you’ve had experience with dragons before?” she narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. I motioned that we should leave quietly and we started back. Just then a large chrome trophy was knocked loose from the horde and woke the dragon. His tail slid in front of our escape route. He spotted us as we stood stock still.
“ What are you doing here?” he growled, his voice rumbling thru us.
“Uh ...nothing. “ I offered timidly. He shifted his tail closer to us, emitting a steaming hiss as he did. Sweat rolled down my back.
“ Trying to steal some of my horde?” he directed one golden eye at us. The vertical pupil widening slightly in the dim light.
“ The what- oh this, we didn’t even notice.” I turned to my friend who nodded vigorously in the same dumb attitude. The end of the tail twitched as he scrutinized us carefully. It wasn’t too close but it was a deadly looking appendage.
“ How could you have not noticed such beauty?” was that a condescending sneer on his face?
“ With that big fat butt of-” Brandy started but I jabbed her in the ribs with my elbow . One simply doesn’t joke with a dragon.
“ How could we possibly notice or care about this glitter compared to your sheer magnificence?” he hummed in pleasure. Brandy raised an eyebrow at my hyperbole.
“ You know I don’t think I have ever seen such stunning scales before. The way they shimmer is breathtaking.” I went on. The stench he produced was far more breathtaking. A combination of sulfur and rotting cabbage or being downwind of a pulp mill on a particularly humid day.
“ Yes they are beautiful.” he purred and stretched out some more, causing the metal under him to clatter loudly. Brandy gestured to me, noticing that his tail had moved a little from the doorway and we took a few steps in that direction.
“But you have not satisfied my question. Why are you here?” he eyed us again, suspicious as ever.
“We got lost. “ Brandy answered honestly. I was about to silence her when I had a sudden inspiration.
“ Yes, and I fear we will never find our way out of this labyrinth and it’s such a gorgeous day outside.” I sighed dramatically hoping the dragon would take the bait. The dragon pondered the information as his tail whipped around like a scarf in the breeze. I had the feeling of being uncomfortably close to the spinning blades of a turbine, waiting to be julienned at any moment.
“ Oh come on Alisa, of course being outside on this sunny day is better than staying in this stinky place, “ Brandy added in the same obsequious tone. The dragon shot her a disapproving glare at her critique.
“I would enjoy the summer air after my pleasant -though interrupted -nap.” he glanced back at his horde contemplating a decision.
“Thank you so much.” I offered as he turned and in one lightening fast movement headed down the passageway. We followed a safe distance behind the the sharp tail, barely visible
as the beam of our flashlights reflected off his scaly form.
Following behind I hope he didn’t poop right now and cringed at the image of having to step over dragon dung. We finally emerged from the cave, squinting at the sharp light. I took a deep breath and realized just how suffocating the air inside had been. The dragon lumbered out toward the pines, his wings brushing the lower branches as he fluttered them. He turned to face us as we retrieved our backpacks.
“ What a lovely day, now isn’t this better than sleeping? Aren’t you glad you came out?” I asked gaily.
“ Hmm it is acceptable weather although I prefer fog so that I may fly over the mountains unseen and rain helps to clean any dirt and such from my scales.” he complained with a yawn. The dragon sat down, crossing his front claws as he stared down at us.
“ Now what will you give me in payment for letting you go?” he demanded imperiously. We looked back at him in shock.
“ Pay? You want us to pay you for getting us out of your-- “ Brandy started, aghast, but I cut her off.
“ -Of course we should repay you for your kindness. “ I said calmly enough but inwardly panicking. What could we possibly give a dragon? I hoped he didn’t eat people. I was a little on the fatty side but Brandy was good eating I decided as I looked at her athletic figure.
Shiny things of course! I thought in a flash and got an idea. I reached into my pack and pulled out a space blanket. It was just a sheet of metallic fabric but it shimmered like reflections off water. The dragon rose to his full height with his eyes wide open.
“ Oh a pretty.” reaching out he snatched it from my hand so quickly I didn’t have time to react. He held it in his sharp claws playing with it gleefully. Brandy took me by the arm.
“ Let’s get out of here before he wonders if we have any more shiny things. “ she said urgently. I nodded assent and grabbing my pack raced down the trail behind her. I could not resist one more look and glancing back, saw the dragon still enthralled with his new toy.

Wednesday, February 25

Money. . . So They say




Money. Everyone needs money. Times are tough and many people are in debt and not by a little but a lot. How oh how are we going to solve the economy crisis? It’s very simple really.

DON’T SPEND MONEY YOU DON’T HAVE.

Call me naive or ignorant but I have a simple rule, if I have money I spend it-wisely, not knowing when I’ll have more. If I don’t have the money I don’t buy things. I see people on Oprah complain that they have $20,000 or $30,000 in credit debt. How did this happen? Well when they were in college the credit card companies were handing out applications like candy so they got one and well . . . People were talked into buying houses they couldn’t afford. Lenders who knew they were handing out bad loans but gosh there was so much money to be made in the meantime. Banks leveraged themselves beyond their ability to pay gambling the economy would never tank. They reminds me of the character Wimpy from Popeye “If you give a hamburger today I shall pay you on Wednesday.”.

These people are idiots and I have no sympathy for them. Our free market supply and demand capitalistic culture has taught us to spend, spend, spend. Oh don’t be silly, there will always be money. Banks failing, no way. Our per capita income falling due to lack of business and jobs-ha, never.

So now people are advised on a daily basis by the news on how to save money by eating at home, buying used goods and skipping those pricey gadgets. I watch it all with a combination of incredulous awe and disgust. Either things are really bad or I’m ahead of the curve. Well DUH! of course one budgets. Of course one looks for bargains, of course one - oh never mind.

This is how things got so bad. The country , Like teenagers given an allowance to teach fiscal responsibly only to overspend and come to mommy and daddy with their hand out for more. Instead of telling them no the parents pay off their debt, wag they finger at them with the admonishment “Ok you fucked up here’s some more money, don’t do it again.” and the kids go on with their old wasteful spending ways. Our government has a 1 trillion dollar debt.

The auto industry, the banks, the lending companies, haven’t they learned their lesson? Capitalism rewards success, not failure. That’s socialism's job.

Will we find prosperity again? Will we learn the value of restraint. Will we learn that there is more to life than materialism? Our newly elected administration insists that something must be done now to save the economy. By spending more money we don’t have? With more taxes on a population that can’t afford to pay them now because they don’t have the imaginary money the government is borrowing from them?

Even I know better than that. I have no job and my chances of getting on are as good as winning the lottery so I have to find my own way to make a living. The country in the same position of having to create a new economy with the skills and knowledge we have to offer to the world. Instead of begging people to take what we have to offer, we have to offer something other people will beg us for.

Tuesday, February 24

it ain't a home until it's got walls

The latest addition to the tea house are the walls and ceiling.The ceiling is made of wood paneling with a beautiful mahogany grain. Installing it requires two people, one to hold the wood up in place and the other to swear and grunt while screwing it in place. Fortunately I know some tall people. Dennis was recruited to be the brute strength of the month. He fulfilled the job very well. The ceiling is only six and half feet clearance but that's not my problem. You tall mutants will have to watch your head.

The walls I did myself, awkward to wrestle four by eight foot sheets of plywood even by a short chick like me but manageable.I even cut the holes for the window out with a skill saw not an easy trick. It requires a certain measure of courage to set a fast moving spinning blade into wood in the middle instead of at the edge. Don't try this at home kids, it should only be done by professionals.

I got the light for the alcove wired in and a shoji style windows in place so it's beginning to look habitable. I've even spent some meditation time there.

If only my life could show the same kind of progress but that needs a lot more work.

Stay tuned kids.

Monday, February 16

Tactless

Recently I had an emotional meltdown when I bemoaned to a friend about my lack of progress in my life. She informed me that I had indeed improved; when we first met she couldn’t stand me. I was, in a word, insufferable. Now I’m nice to be around most of the time. I’m not sure that makes me feel better but I see her point. However I’m still oblivious to this tactlessness when someone stalks off in offense (at least they were taught to be discreet). What have I done wrong I wonder as I re-examine the encounter in minute detail. Mortified, I retreat in panic causing more misunderstanding.

I’ve also realized this tactlessness runs in my family. I love my siblings -truly- but they are just as guilty as I am of uttering blunt, insensitive and unvarnished opinions. (In an attempt at diplomacy I will not mention them by name to protect them from embarrassment and me from a slander law suit.) For example, older sister will call me on the phone and launch into conversation without preamble.

“Who is this?” I retort irritably.

“It’s me, don’t you have caller ID?”

“No I figured the caller would introduce themselves when I answered the phone. You know, an introductory hello, how are you?” I suggest to her.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Nice talking to you too.

We do know how to behave in public and God knows mother tried to teach her children manners, but she often regarded our tasteless lapses with an exasperated sigh. Poor mom. Admittedly these lapses are mostly in private, to the rest of the world we are a witty, clever and entertaining bunch.

After enduring years of self absorbed monologues, volcanic tantrums, and a certain sibling’s gift for saying exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, I realize I am not the only one devoid of social skills. Not to mention the embarrassing scenes of high drama involving drunkenness, promiscuity and paranoia. No wonder I felt like my family never understood or liked me- and the feeling was mutual.

The siblings and I do have many finer traits and I’m flattered to have been called “the smartest person” by friends and family. I go out of my way to genuinely complement others. That’s a hopeful sign. I’m still working on my flaws. Instead of spending weeks or months stewing over some imagined slight, my black moods last about an hour. I am learning to keep my bitchy tirades to myself rather than bore and annoy friends. Most of all I am learning to be kind and forgiving of past experiences of family members including the one I see in the mirror.