Grow Up

        It's amazing that with so much information out there that so many people are unprepared to face the world of adulthood.

          My mother  taught her five kids to be independent, but I still had to teach myself  how to balance a checkbook, do laundry properly and cook a decent meal. Somehow those simple life skills weren't picked up.

         Parents shielding their children out of fear, protectiveness or religious upbringing prevents children from learning life skills they will need as an adult.

         Primitive cultures teach their children survival skills early on and expect them to contribute to the work load of the clan. Meanwhile in the urban world, they idly sit around playing video games, while their parents clean after them and cut their meat. How did this happen?

         There are varieties of parents, like the family servant. She does everything for all the members of the family including dad. Driver, cook, house cleaner and accountant.

         A mother on a episode of Oprah complained she was exhausted doing everything. A helpful life coach pointed out that her own 10 year old with Down Syndrome is in charge of the dishwasher and suggested the mother get her kids to do some chores. The look of astonishment on the woman's face was priceless.

         The helicopter parents. They hover over their kids like they were precious glass. Every activity is rated for the level of danger. As a result the kids learn to be afraid of the world or look for an opportunity to escape the when they aren't watching, oblivious to real danger. What could go wrong ?

         Clearly, the problem is the grown ups.  now we have parents dealing with their kids drug addiction. In one case a 28 year old son was constantly referred to as a child. He is not, but the parents don't know any other way to relate to their offspring except as children. We don't treat our mature relatives, co- workers or friends as children when they need help. Why are these parents in arrested development when it comes to their adult children- to use the oxymoron.

         The Tough love, "do it this way or else," method of scolding , threatening to kick them out of the house or take away privileges doesn't work. You can use strict discipline on an eight year old but not on an adult because, guess what? That adult will respond as if they were eight years old. What if a friend in need came to you for help and you berated them instead?

         Animal trainers learned long ago that kindness works better. Teaching someone to be self sufficient allows them to navigate the world. Knowing how to fix a meal or a flat tire saves one a lot of grief.

         Since adult skills are not automatically bestowed when one turns eighteen, perhaps there should be a compulsory college level Life 101 class that covers safe sex, home management and nutrition.

         Parents should be encouraged to take a refresher course.