They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well, a clever turn of phase is pretty wonthy too. Have this list handy the next time you need to impress people with your borrowed wit.
In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is wildly regarded as a bad idea. Douglas Adams
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon. H.L. Mencken
If a cat spoke it would say things like "Hey, I don't see the problem here." Roy Blount Jr.
Sex is good but not as good as fresh sweet corn. Garrison Keillor
I used to pay attention, but now it costs too much. Alisa McLaughlin
Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. Mae West
Good luck is when the arrow hits the fellow next to you. Socrates
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. Fran Lebowitz
The computer is down, I hope it's something serious. Stanton Delaplane.
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say. Michael Winner, British director
Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
Three pm is always too late or too early to do anything you want. Jean Paul Sarte
This is no time for ease and comfort. It is a time to dare and endure. Winston Churchill
Everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else. Will Rogers
Do the right thing, it will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock. Will Rogers
Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen. Mort Sahl
Life is easier than you think: accept the impossible, do without the indispensible, and bear the intolerable. Kathleen Norris
Propaganda is the art of persuading others of what you don't believe yourself. Abba Eban
While faith is nice, doubt is what gets you an education. John Lahr
If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. Malcolm X
If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time. Edith Wharton
The most courageous act is to think for yourself. Coco Chanel
We are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different. Kurt Vonnegut
The world is not yet entirely perfect and I'm getting impatient. Ashleigh Brilliant
You can be born to the path of a warrior and never hurt anyone, but to deny what's in you is wrong. Scott Glenn
If I'm too strong for some people, that's their problem. Glenda Jackson
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