Christmas? Again?

 

Newton and Greta the tree

    It's that time of year again with tidings of comfort and joy, ho, ho, ho and reindeer running over grandma. I always loved christmas and finding the perfect gift, the hope of snow (I grew up in Pennsylvania) and scoring serious loot.

    But after sixty four years of false cheer, the expense and hassle of buying and the memory of mom and younger sister dying shortly after- I've finally had it.

    In the true spirit of the season I present my favorite song and wish you all happy holidays.  

    I'll be back next friday.

 

 

The Autism Files 12/17

 

    Behave. A lot of early education is centered on control to mold a child into an obedient, quiet vessel for social indoctrination. Manage their behavior to make them as normal as possible.

         Much of professional psychology focuses on behavior rather than the underlying cause. When they act out, make them stop, never mind the reason.

         Behavior modification therapy (pros love to create clunky terms) means breaking someone of a behavior by punishment rather finding the root cause of it.  These are people with complex neurology not bad dogs to be trained to sit on command.

         It's not easy or possible to apologize or explain when we are in a stressful state, but it is in everyone's interest to understand the reason. From cops beating people for non compliance to kindergarten kids put in a corner for a tantrum, our first response to anxiety should be to compassionately understand the cause, not berate them.

         Coping with adults, the environment, and sensory stimuli can be a lot for the average child, the threshold is far lower with ASD . What may be a minor irritation to some can be overwhelming to the ASD and it may not take much due to their sensitive nature. Belittling them as overreacting or seeking attention, does not recognize or consider why they are acting that way. Here's a thought: instead of demanding they "behave" why don't you ask what's bothering them? With ASD many behaviors such as stimming are coping mechanisms in response to stress or overstimulation. Stripping a person of a calming action is harmful and disrespectful of that person's distress. You don't calm a bucket of water by shaking it, leave it alone and it will settle by itself.

    Trust. The opposite of anxiety isn't calm, it's trust. Trust in certainty, regularity and schedules are important to maintain a soothing sense of order.

         One of the big disappointments in life is that not everything or everyone can be trusted. My trust issue is being on time--while others are not. That tardiness eroded my trust in them until I accepted that there will be delays. Distrust in people means trying to figure out their intentions, which the ASD may never understand.

The Devils Device

 

    So I'm walking down the street and someone in the other direction is looking at their phone and not where they are going. I'm waiting for someone to arrive and they don't show up--no follow up, no excuses, nada. I'm at a party and several people are constantly checking their phones instead of engaging in conversation.

    At the risk of sounding like an old fart --which I am--what the hell is wrong with these people and what happened to good manners? Autistic people are often accused of being tactless-- not from want of trying but-- my God. My mother would be appalled at the lack of civil politeness.

    Young people today bemoan their isolation and loneliness--yeah, how often do they interact with people on a daily basis without their cell phones?

    It's easy to blame the devices but the real problem is the egocentric culture that has evolved by design or accident that's causes people to drift apart. It's the addiction to our toys "amusing ourselves to death" as someone said - I forgot who, about modern life. It has corroded social behavior. We exist in a bubble of our own importance where one doesn't have to apologize or explain ones' uncouth behavior. The run on narcissism has to come to an end and not soon enough.

     You want friends to joyfully converse with for hours, be a respectable person, be healthy and alive? Get off your stupid phone and the internet. Use a cell phone (if you have a landline) for travel or emergencies and texting is great for politely informing others when you're running late or can't keep an appointment. Limit time on the computer to allow for exercise, doing projects, writing and shocker, reading a book. Join a club, go to gatherings, go for a walk in the park--anything but look at your device while walking across the street or at the dinner table.

    Please and thank you.

Disability as Trope

 

    How is ASD presented in movies, TV and media in general? Poorly. The disabled are used for dramatic purposes, often inaccurate and exaggerated. I could not stand  "The Good Doctor" despite Freddy Highmore's good acting. No one on that show was sympathetic or understood his condition and these were the doctors.

    Actors have no problem depicting unconventional behavior, it's the writers who use stereotypes to illustrate a flaw in character. Remember how gays used to be portrayed as limp wristed nellies? So the poor disabled person is presented as damaged goods to emotionally manipulate the viewer. Where the disabled finds love, acceptance and a happy ending it is the fantasy of the alistic.

    Depicting meltdowns for dramatic purposes is offensive. There is absolutely nothing more upsetting and embarrassing than losing control, especially in front of others. Do we portray a epileptic seizure or soiling ones pants for entertainment?

    I look forward to the day when the disabled are portrayed like race or gender as a simple quirk rather than a heavy handed plot device. We are not here for your clichéd inspiration.

Bits and Pieces

 A Day in the Life with Autism

    I get frustrated easily when something doesn't work, I mean really frustrated, but I don't know if my level is normal or not because I live alone. Living alone with autism is difficult. I can't tell if my behavior toward any given thing is "correct" or not because there is no one to tell me. However, if someone is around there is a very real risk of being scolded for overreacting which adds to my anxiety. There is no clear navigation when I have to figure it out by myself, which is frustrating.

 

Whose Fault is it This Time?

    The election has come and gone. Regardless of the outcome, with every election there is finger pointing at some demograph for the failure on the losing side. A favorite are minorities. It's all their fault, except they make up less than 50% of the population- that's why they are called a minority. Then there are people who complain about the "liberal media" failing the election.

    Ahem. There was no media failure, 90% of all media in America is owned by 6 companies and 5 of them are conservative. The failure was in people thinking that liberals run the media in America.

 

O Brother Friend of Mine

    I've written about friendships before but from a women's perspective. Friendships are a vital part of a healthy society and ours is very ill. Men in particular are not encouraged to forge close relationships with other men for fear a appearing soft or worse -homo. The stoic, solitary man so fashionable in the past is killing men-literally. Men need to be taught how to cultivate these bonds to avoid a lonely, loveless life. Listento these guys, they get it.