Behave. A lot of early education is centered on control to mold a child into an obedient, quiet vessel for social indoctrination. Manage their behavior to make them as normal as possible.
Much of professional psychology focuses on behavior rather than the underlying cause. When they act out, make them stop, never mind the reason.
Behavior modification therapy (pros love to create clunky terms) means breaking someone of a behavior by punishment rather finding the root cause of it. These are people with complex neurology not bad dogs to be trained to sit on command.
It's not easy or possible to apologize or explain when we are in a stressful state, but it is in everyone's interest to understand the reason. From cops beating people for non compliance to kindergarten kids put in a corner for a tantrum, our first response to anxiety should be to compassionately understand the cause, not berate them.
Coping with adults, the environment, and sensory stimuli can be a lot for the average child, the threshold is far lower with ASD . What may be a minor irritation to some can be overwhelming to the ASD and it may not take much due to their sensitive nature. Belittling them as overreacting or seeking attention, does not recognize or consider why they are acting that way. Here's a thought: instead of demanding they "behave" why don't you ask what's bothering them? With ASD many behaviors such as stimming are coping mechanisms in response to stress or overstimulation. Stripping a person of a calming action is harmful and disrespectful of that person's distress. You don't calm a bucket of water by shaking it, leave it alone and it will settle by itself.
Trust. The opposite of anxiety isn't calm, it's trust. Trust in certainty, regularity and schedules are important to maintain a soothing sense of order.
One of the big disappointments in life is that not everything or everyone can be trusted. My trust issue is being on time--while others are not. That tardiness eroded my trust in them until I accepted that there will be delays. Distrust in people means trying to figure out their intentions, which the ASD may never understand.
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