Writing is F***** hard

I'm writing a novel. Sounds exciting doesn't  it? However it is far more intimidating than I ever imagined.

It's like I learned how to ski in my back yard with homemade gear. In my confident enthusiasm I entered a race only to discover none of my equipment is workable and I've been doing it all wrong.

English is a complicated language with lots of technical parts I still don't understand. When I took a College English course I had to use a dictionary to figure out the terms they discussed. Gerunds, dangling participles, split infinitives. I still get adverbs and adjectives mixed up. Oh yeah adjectives end in ly -avoid using them.

It has twelve tenses and conditionals that are maddening to untangle. "He would, if he could have done otherwise but he knew he shouldn't" clunky, but talk about confusing to a foreigner.

I can't write a novel with all these things getting in the way. I'm clueless. I have a story,inspiration and the drive to write thousands of words but what am I going to do with those rules. They come crashing down on me and I'm lost.

Don't use passive verbs, no flashbacks, avoid exposition, don't use the word was. The story is told in the first person past tense, I have to the use was. Every time the word pops up I cringe: it's forbidden.

In frustration I said screw it, I'll write what feels right but again, if I'm going to do this novel for real, there are THE RULES.

Inside The Writer's Head

Writing by Committee

 I have a muse, who’s very nice and I have an editor who is . . .um contentious. I have been struggling with rewrites for the past week and the editor keeps changing things on me then when I feel overwhelmed, the muse trys to comfort me.

“ Hey it’s my turn now, you promised. “ the editor berates the muse. 

“You’re not helping matters with all these changes and critizing Alisa’s work.” the muse quietly reminds the editor.

“I’m doing my job to make it better. I only want the work to shine.” 

“That word is misspelled, you need to fix it.” the grammar nazi (GN) arrives and points to a word with a bright red line under it. 

“I’m aware of that, I’ll get to it later.” I reply to the nagging. The GN remains patient for exactly eight seconds- a record.

“ You may be too tired or forget later, why don’t you correct it now.” GN is doing an excellent impression of  Sheldon the anal retentive character on “The Big Bang Theory”. The editor agrees. I stop to look up the word and correct it but lose my train of thought in the process.

“Nice going, you know she can’t work with you hovering like this.” my muse is a little peeved now.

“ Grammar is part of the second draft work.” GN insists.

“WILL YOU SHUT UP, I’M TRYING TO WRITE.” I bellow out loud. Silence reigns while I type a full paragragh until another word is high lighted in red.

“That word is-” at which point I sigh in exaspearation. It’s time to get a drink.

Movie Review- More Than Enough

Enough Said

(Enough Said 93 mins. PG-13 (crude language and sexaul content.)  Cast: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, James Gandolfini, Christopher Nicholas Smith, Kathleen Rose Perkins,Tracey Fairaway,Catherine KeenerToni Collette,Ben Falcone,Eve Hewson,Tavi Gevinson. Written and directed by Nicole Holofcener.Fox Searchligth Pictures)

All summer long we have been assaulted with testoterone loaded smash em up blockbusters that often weren’t worthy of the amount of money thrown at them, either in production or at the box office. Thank God, now that the adolescent  season is over we can get back to real cinema. 

Enough Said is one of those movies as enjoyable as a warm Sunday afternoon.  Eva (Julia Louis Dreyfuss) is a divorced mother working as a masseuse and worried about her daugther leaving for college soon. She meets Albert (James Gandolfini) at a party and they start dating. One of her clients and budding friend  Marianne (Catherine Keener) seems perfect except for her rants about her boorish, fat, ex husband which causes Eva to doubt her romance with Albert. The whole cast is note perfect. Dreyfuss surprised me with the depth of her performance as she always struck me as lightweight and snarky in her TV roles.Gandolfini showed he could play a sweetie as well as a mafioso. The film is sharp and funny as it depictsß the messiness of making a relationship work.

Reality Needs Better Advertising

It’s late October and here in the Northwest we’ve had temps in the mid 60’s. The weather has been strange and extreme all over the place. This cliamte change really has me worried.

“Stop worrying. It’s not climate change, think of as a seasonal adjustment.” Wiley the court jester piped up. “ Instead of denying it or speak of it as doom and gloom we need to look at the upside of global warming. Two words: winter picnics. Take advantage of it.”

“You sound like an advertising agent.”

“Hey if spin is good enough for the tabacco industry and the government, it’s good enough for the denial of science.” Wiley proudly nodded. 

“I don’t know why I bother talking to you. It’s like listening to Michele Bachman or Rush Limbaugh.” I replied.

“Hey, take that back. I’m sardonic not crazy.” 

Inside the Writers Head

The original title of my blog. Now you get to experience the effert to write a novel. Kind of like childbirth. You've been warned.

Writing is not easy. Writing a novel is mountain climbing. I wake up and look at the work ahead with a mixture of excitement and dread. I have been handed a 1500 piece jigsaw puzzle with only a general idea of what the end result should look like. I'm overwhelmed and the best advice I'm getting is to just get the words on paper, don't stress, work on it bit by bit. But when I sit down my muse tells me "You don't have to write something perfect. Just write something amazing."