Tuesday, April 13

And Now For Something Completely Different.

Work can make one crazy. When I find myself overwhelmed with work stress I stop to look out the window and let my mind drift as far away as possible. I escape the tedium with a daydream and being a writer they often turn into stories. I would like to share a small portion with you, gentle reader.

Meet the Pickerings

Martin and Heather Pickering were the eponymous Southern Californians. That’s why their neighbor Mr. Del Monaco hated them with a zeal normally reserved for one’s favorite football team. They were free loving, tolerant liberals who probably did drugs and were proud of it. They were simply too damn nice and as a life long Republican it was his duty to put a stop to it. He refused to give in to their pleasant entries as they waved hello whenever they saw him watering the lawn or trimming the bushes. He scowled at their friendliness.

Martin was a bisexual porn filmmaker and Heather was a successful romance writer-disgusting vocations, Del Monaco shuddered as he came out to the kitchen to prepare his second cup of daily coffee.

Martin was always dressed in tight shorts and tee shirts that showed off a ridiculously athletic body and Heather would often be seen taking out the trash or picking up the newspaper off the lawn wearing pajamas. First it was the friendliness then the loud parties with the street clogged with parked cars that annoyed him but the final straw was the flagrant infidelity.

For nearly a month Del Monaco noticed a cable repair truck parked in the driveway every day at noon. A well built fellow would leave the house soon afterwards looking very satisfied and drive off. He was scandalized. Was she having an affair? The brazen slut, he thought, his eyes narrowing at this new bit of gossip. Was he being cuckold? It was obvious. This was damming as Martin was always so affectionate with Heather. He would have to tell Martin. It would crush him, possibly destroying their marriage and they would move away. He liked that idea, but before he could reveal this dreadful information to Martin at just the right moment, the situation became worse than he ever imagined.

One day he spotted the cable guy and Martin standing at the side door talking when they suddenly kissed fiercely. It took Del Monaco longer than expected to realize that it wasn’t the wife balling the cable guy. All he could think of that revelation was”Eww”.

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