Being an adult with autism is survivable yet endlessly frustrating. Getting normal people trained to the point where we don't have to bend over backwards to please them is a daily problem.
No one would ever say to someone in a wheelchair to just try harder, so you can get up and walk. I've heard similar well meaning but useless advice most of my life concerning my invisible disability.
This is for someone with autism, if you know someone close to you who has autism or someone wishing to know more about the condition.
If you are autistic, you will have to educate those around you about your limitations, fears and perception in order to be accepted. You will have to guard against saying, doing and reacting the wrong way constantly. You will have to learn to make small talk, introduce yourself into a conversation correctly. Remember that not everyone shares a laser like focus in -fill in the blanks. Set a mental timer to stop speaking and give others a chance to reciprocate in conversation. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance when you're not sure. Go with being formal rather than chummy when dealing with new or casual acquaintances. I advise reading etiquette books to decode the rules to social interactions. Seriously.
For the neuro typical, social skills are a given. Understanding body language, verbal tones and subtext is often lost on us. Please don't give us contradictory or vague "just do what you think is right" directions, we aren't always capable of figuring out what to do on our own. Please don't scold us like children when we have a messy, explosive meltdown. We know we're out of control but can't help it. Simply assure us it will be alright and ask "What can I do to help?". Understand that handling day to day adult responsibilities can be a monumental task when we have to carry around a mental instruction manual on how to behave. Throw in anxiety, depression and low esteem to further complicate efforts.
We are doing the best we can, if we say "I can't do that," it's not just lack of confidence. What may be obvious and simple to you, may not be to the literal minded autistic.
If you suspect someone you know may be autistic, research the criteria and politely present them to the person. If they aren't on the spectrum, at least both will get an education on what to look for. If they prove to have ASD, you will save them a lot of grief. They will be grateful and relieved to know why they don't fit in. I wish someone, anyone had said something to me earlier. It would have made my life easier.
Autistic people are not stupid, scatter brained or emotionally cold. Many are quite smart, aware and feel deeply. What we lack in tact, we make up for in other areas, encourage those skills, let us see how we can be accepted and valuable. Expressing empathy can be a mystery but we do care deeply. Neuro typicals and autistics need to find a way to recognize that.
When you see an autistic person sitting by themselves, don't assume they prefer to be alone. More than anything we want company but can't always express that need. You may have to drag us into an activity but we will appreciate the effort.
1 comment:
I just noticed your signature on the painting. Damn that's well done!
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