We often say things to please or placate people without understanding what we’re saying. It’s just rote thinking. I’ve learned that If I respond the right way it will satisfy them but there may little or no comprehension because of the lack of understanding social cues.
Society wants blandness and regularity, dealing with large numbers of strangers on a daily basis requires it to feel safe and comfortable. Predictability is a big plus and evening out our strong and weak skills can give the appearance of normal.
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken” as Oscar Wilde said. In an increasingly homogenized population self identity is vital but it comes with big consequences.
When people say “be yourself” to an ASD what they really mean is “Can you please act like everybody else.” It’s like telling a black person to be more white. It’s not going to work.
Adding to the confusion for ASD’s is shifting context. They may learn how to respond in a given situation but will be lost when confronted with the same situation in a different context. What may be proper behavior in one way may not be right in another. You don’t interact with a co worker the same way you would to family.
The constant changing is confusing and exhausting. Imagine waking up every day to find yourself in a different country with a new language. Welcome to our world.
1 comment:
This is helpful.
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