Autism Files: It's All an Act

We often say things to please or placate people without understanding what we’re saying. It’s just rote thinking. I’ve learned that If I respond the right way it will satisfy them but there may little or no comprehension because of the lack of understanding social cues.

Society wants blandness and regularity, dealing with large numbers of strangers on a daily basis requires it to feel safe and comfortable. Predictability is a big plus and evening out our strong and weak skills can give the appearance of normal.

“Be yourself, everyone else is taken” as Oscar Wilde said. In an increasingly homogenized population self identity is vital but it comes with big consequences.

When people say “be yourself” to an ASD what they really mean is “Can you please act like everybody else.” It’s like telling a black person to be more white. It’s not going to work.

Adding to the confusion for ASD’s is shifting context. They may learn how to respond in a given situation but will be lost when confronted with the same situation in a different context. What may be proper behavior in one way may not be right in another. You don’t interact with a co worker the same way you would to family.

The constant changing is confusing and exhausting. Imagine waking up every day to find yourself in a different country with a new language. Welcome to our world.

Autism Files: More on Meltdowns and Overstimulation

 

Life is filled with stimuli, be it noise, lights, crowds of people, demands on our attention can be overwhelming. When that happens the ASD will often shut down or meltdown, causing frustration and a loss of temper. The common reaction to someone melting is to demand they calm down. This is not going to get a positive response when someone is simply trying to regain control. Sometimes that involves venting and thrashing to dissipate the stress. Leave them alone until they calm down. Shouting at them like a parent scolding a child having a tantrum is not mature. Instead ask "What can I do? What's the problem? Don’t worry this will pass.” Try to show some compassion instead of focusing on how you're affected. The person in distress is not happy either, so everyone chill.

 In Aikido there is a form of meditation called misogi that involves sitting seiza (on your knees), ringing a bell with the whole arm and shouting in Japanese for like- an hour. 

Before my diagnosis each time the experience was awful. I was left feeling stressed, exhausted and my legs numb. Well, now I know why, overstimulation. I flatly refsue to engage in this activity to save my sanity. Sitting in a chair, in a quiet space and focusing on breathing is much better. Lesson learned: noisy, physical activity is not for everyone-especially someone with autism. Don't pressure them to do it even with the best of intentions.