My Advice About Autism

           Being an adult with autism is survivable yet endlessly frustrating. Getting neuro typicals trained to the point where we don't have to bend over backwards to act normal enough to please them is a daily problem.

            No one would ever say to someone in a wheelchair to just try harder, now get up and walk. Yet I've heard similar well meaning but useless advice most of my life concerning my invisible disability.

            This is for someone with autism, if you know someone close to you who has autism or someone wishing to know more about the condition.

             If you are autistic, you will have to educate those around your limitations, fears and perception in order to be accepted. You will have to guard against saying, doing and reacting the wrong way constantly. You will have to learn to make small talk, introduce yourself into a conversation correctly. Go with being formal rather than chummy when dealing with new or casual acquaintances. I advise reading etiquette books to decode the rules to social interactions. Remember that not everyone shares a laser like focus in -fill in the blanks. Set a mental timer to stop speaking and give others a chance to reciprocate in conversation. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance when you're not sure.

            For the neuro typical, social skills are a given. Understanding body language, verbal tones and subtext is often lost on us. Please don't give us contradictory or vague "just do what you think is right" directions, we aren't always capable of figuring out what to do on our own. Please don't scold us like children when we have a messy, explosive meltdown. We know we're out of control but can't help it. Simply assure us it will be alright and ask "what can I do to help?" This will help us settle down. Understand, that handling day to day adult responsibilities can be a monumental task when we have to carry around a mental instruction manual on how to behave.

            We are doing the best we can, if we say "I can't do that," believe us, it's not just lack of confidence. What may be obvious and simple to you, may not be to the literal minded autistic.

            If you suspect someone you know may be autistic, research the criteria and politely present them to the person. If they aren't on the spectrum, at least both will get an education on what to look for. If they prove to have ASD, they will be grateful and relieved to know why they don't fit in. You will save them a lot of grief. I wish someone, anyone had said something to me earlier. It would have made my life easier.           

            Autistic people are not stupid, scatter brained or emotionally cold. Many are quite smart, aware and feel deeply. What we lack in tactful social skills, we make up for in other areas. Cultivate and encourage those skills, let us see how those skills can be valuable. We crave acceptance for who we are more than anything. Expressing empathy can be a mystery to us but we do care deeply. Neuro typicals and autistics need to find a way to communicate that.

            When you see an autistic sitting by themselves, don't assume they prefer to be alone. More than anything we want company but can't always express that need. You may have to drag us into an activity but we will appreciate the effort.   

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My Five Minutes of Fame

I was interviewed by local modia guy Rick Dancer for his show in conjunction with my Op-Ed piece that appeared in the Register Guard.

Mission From God Part 4

Saturday

Finally a decent night sleep. After breakfast I sneak off  to see my friend BB again. We are both watercolorist, although admittedly she is better than me.She known as  "The queen of washes" and trust me, this is a watercolor technique few master. We noodle around with her paints and chat. Once again I'm struck by the relaxed atmosphere and the silence. Two hundred people make a lot of noise.

The weather turned cool and cloudy and if I had been a camper anticipating the retreat I would probably be pissed at the change. But I'm not so I'm not. The campers enjoy a full day of  swimming canoeing, making tie dye t-shirts etc. Never a dull moment. After dark there is an open air concert at the chapel pavilion. I don't bother to walk down to it because I can hear it from my tent while I read a book. My feet are ssore and I'm dead tired from the long and intense dinner detail. I can't imagine people doing that sort of work full time. 

Later I hike down to the lake one last time to hang out with the gang of volunteers. No moon tonight with the overcast sky but the mellow company makes up for it. 

Sunday

The campers gather  in a big circle on the lawn near the lodge and are invited to say what they liked most about camp. They all loved the atmosphere, the friendships and most of all the chance to just be who they are without judgement or staring from "normal " people. I never realized there was so much judging from society but then I don't pay attention. One of the perks of Asperger's -sort of-  is being oblivious to others. The best thing for me was sleeping and I mean it. The week was long, hard working but rewarding. I not used to spending a lot of time with large groups of people- even autistic ones so I'm ready to go home. 

Camp is over and I spend considerable time packing instead of canoeing as I planned. I should have gone canoeing. It takes forever to clean up the kitchen, disassemble the camp, pack  up the supplies and stow our gear in the cars. By late afternoon I'm exhausted and ready to snap. Just as the last of the campers leave, it begins to rain. I'm told this frequently happens; rain starts after camp or stops before it. Magic timing, man.

At last the organizers and crew head for Florence for debriefing and a well deserved dinner made by someone else. I enjoy the shrimp ceviche. 

Eugene is warm and dry when I get home around sunset. I'm just happy to be home and sleep in my own bed. 

Will I come back next year I'm asked. God only knows and she'll tell me, I'm sure.

We Are The Next Step in Evolution.

"There has been a threefold increase in autism diagnoses in California's Silicon Valley over the last decade. In Eindhoven, the hub for IT and technology in Holland, there are four times as many people with autism than in the general population. This suggests that evolution is actively selecting autistic genes because they are of substantial benefit to modern society"      - Michael Barton, author,scientist, autistic.

I rather suspected this myself recently. The increase in autism is still unknown as is the cause of the neurological condition. Maybe it is the latest evolutionary step in a society that favors logic over intuition, reason over emotionalism. Look how everyone is preoccupied with their cellphones, blackberries, ipods etc. too engrossed to engage others in conversation. We're way ahead of you on staying focused and obsessed on a subject.

If it had not been for my father's ultimately crippling my interest in math by "punishing " me for poor grades at it, I might have had a career as an engineer or astronomer. I certainly can see the preference for those vocations.

It's Official I'm defective.

After years of frustration, misunderstanding and puzzlement at my own self I finally figured it out. I have Asperger's syndrome..After reading the symptoms of it I thought, wow this makes so much sense.

What does this mean? I'm still weird, have a hard time being sociable and am as eccentric as ever. The good news is I know why. So keep this in mind when dealing with me ok?