Bits and Pieces

 A Day in the Life with Autism

    I get frustrated easily when something doesn't work, I mean really frustrated, but I don't know if my level is normal or not because I live alone. Living alone with autism is difficult. I can't tell if my behavior toward any given thing is "correct" or not because there is no one to tell me. However, if someone is around there is a very real risk of being scolded for overreacting which adds to my anxiety. There is no clear navigation when I have to figure it out by myself, which is frustrating.

 

Whose Fault is it This Time?

    The election has come and gone. Regardless of the outcome, with every election there is finger pointing at some demograph for the failure on the losing side. A favorite are minorities. It's all their fault, except they make up less than 50% of the population- that's why they are called a minority. Then there are people who complain about the "liberal media" failing the election.

    Ahem. There was no media failure, 90% of all media in America is owned by 6 companies and 5 of them are conservative. The failure was in people thinking that liberals run the media in America.

 

O Brother Friend of Mine

    I've written about friendships before but from a women's perspective. Friendships are a vital part of a healthy society and ours is very ill. Men in particular are not encouraged to forge close relationships with other men for fear a appearing soft or worse -homo. The stoic, solitary man so fashionable in the past is killing men-literally. Men need to be taught how to cultivate these bonds to avoid a lonely, loveless life. Listento these guys, they get it.

 

 

Mostly Martha

 

    I have a few friends. Once a month I hang out with the "Goils" -women of  a certain age- for drinks and kvetching. Every once in a while I get together with an old acquaintance for a bottle of wine (see a trend here?) and girl talk. These get togethers are sweet because most of the time I spend alone.

    One is born into and often stuck with a family but friends choose to be with you-despite your faults and I treasure them, I really do but mostly I treasure my friend Martha. We met in the LCC graphics arts program and she has been there for me thru thick and thin. She is the perpetual optimist to my cynical curmudgeon and I love that. The best thing I could wish for anyone is to have a friend like Martha.

    For many years her mom Jane- who was the spitting image of Ruth Gordon from Harold and Maude- was equally supportive. One time when I was falling into a depression well, Martha brought to the house they shared and Jane and I ended up spending a good hour trying to translate Winnie the Pooh from a Latin edition. If that don't distract you from depression -nothing will. In fact, her whole family has adopted me, for which I am humbly thankful and slightly mystified given my temperament.

    I'm what you call a "high maintenance" friend. My moods are like the weather, unpredictable and nothing you can do about it. Emotional meltdowns, melodramatic panics, and a general pain in the ass. I overreact to the smallest crisis like an Italian mother but Martha stays cool and assures me it will be fine to whatever I'm crashing about. I was apologizing profusely for dragging her into my latest drama- a trip to the ER (I'm fine but don't ask) and she just brushed it aside. It turns out while I was being attended to there was bigger scene going in the reception area with some crazies. The receptionist was apologizing to her but she dismissed it as an entertaining floor show.

      I've had friends come and go, sometimes mysteriously disappearing for no apparent reason but Martha seems to think I'm worthwhile and the feeling is mutual.

 

Martha / photo by author

 

Old Friends Are Best, How Old Are You?

The Author and Best Friend Bonnie / photo by Mike Anderson

                                                   

    Friendships are nourishment for the soul. They are a treasure for a lifetime or be as brief as passing rain. They teach us how to be human, help us with advice, and offer consolation when we need it. A friend is someone who can give us an objective opinion a sibling, parent or counsel can't provide. A friend is someone who likes you in spite of your faults.

     We are social creatures who learn from an early age how vital it is to reach out and make a connection with a fellow human. Female friends openly provide a sounding board on life, love and relationships and partners. While men tend to keep their feelings locked up to an unhealthy degree. I recently ran into an old friend whose wife died and reminded him to have a male friend he could talk to in his grief. More men would be happier if they just had a buddy they can confide in without feeling vulnerable.

 Reaching out to others is ridiculously easy with cell phones and social media and yet-- our insecurities or excuses often stop us from doing so. A recent study confirms how important it can be.

    "The results showed that those who initiated the communication significantly underestimated the extent to which recipients would appreciate the act of reaching out.

. . . Initiating social contact after a prolonged period of disconnect . . . can feel intimidating because people worry about how such a gesture might be received. But the present study suggests that such hesitations may be unnecessary, as other people are in fact much more likely to appreciate being reached out to than people assume."
    In the days before e mail and texting, people wrote letters --now a lost art. Don't be shy about sending a birthday card, photo or a brief message that you're thinking of them. There is no doubt everyone appreciates them. A hand written letter is a cherished physical connection between the writer, the recipient and history.

    Too many people go through life without such a blessing. The elderly, disabled or the shy are often starved for attention or just someone to talk to.

    Be a treasure, be a friend.