Thursday, March 24

The Butterfly revisited

Over the years I have a reoccurring dream where I am back in San Francisco in the old house my family lived in. Various family members are there but it’s always in the present tense because I always recall thinking (in the dream) about how I moved back from Eugene, or reconfiguring stuff into my old room. I even mentioned these semi lucid dreams to my mom during one of these semi lucid dreams. The reality of theses dreams is patently impossible as the house has been remodeled since we lived there and my mother and younger sister have died.

I wake up feeling very frustrated yet oddly knowing something is being worked out. Unfortunately in all these years my subconscious has not let my waking self in on the meaning. After the last one I began to wonder if the dream world of SF is real (they are so vivid) is real and the life here in Eugene is illusion. Like the philosopher in the classic Chinese story I ask myself- am I a butterfly dreaming I am a person or am I a person dreaming that I am a butterfly? This existential dilemma comes up more than I expect. It is entirely conceivable that my present life could be a figment of my imagination in ways I can not possibly explain. Is it possible to change the dream? Considering my poor track record I’m not so sure.

No comments: