Passing for Normal is Exhausting

For simplicity sake I use ASD for autistics and NT for everyone else.

 I have been encouraged and inspired to write about autism –maybe even a book but honestly, there has been an outpouring of writing about adult with Autism since I was diagnosed 15 years ago, I don’t think I have anything new or provocative to add.     

The situation for the disabled hasn’t changed much despite the ADA. Historically, society has a slim understanding and tolerance of the disabled, even education is half hearted at best.

Films about autistic characters are just “inspiration porn for the NT” as one ASD commented on line, so they can feel good about how well we overcome adversity while doing absolutely nothing to challenge adversity in the first place.

The ASD spends a lot of time trying to be normal in order to fit in but by being as close to normal as possible their disability is viewed as an exaggeration “ You seem normal enough, why are you upset about something trivial?” The lapses in social behavior are written off as laziness, scatterbrained, deliberately stubborn rather than a limitation caused by the disability. Also acting normal takes a lot of energy.

Here are some good comments posted on Redditby ASD’s about the difficulty and cost of being “high functioning”.

“When you function just enough to mask just enough, it creates its own problems. Other people, people can still tell there's something weird or "off. But unless you're acting like Rainman or nonverbal, they don't ever think of autism. You figure out how to mask and function enough to be part of the machine, but you still don't fit properly. There's still a sense of utter isolation and disconnection. And sooner or later something will give, via a meltdown or social faux pas. “

“. . . People are unconvinced if you tell them you're autistic, or "on the spectrum", however you put it to them, because you've so far passed as "almost normal". . . One is met with a very suspect, unconvinced "What? You? Autistic?" response. Since it's still in the process of being understood scientifically, regular folk have no clue, no understanding, no empathy. Even no belief that you deal with autism.”

Many ASD’s comment that being intelligent is seen by NT’s as a way out of the disability. Like we can think a way to being normal. If you appear normal enough you don’t get support because it looks like you’re coping just fine but it’s exhausting

“When I was seen as simply highly intelligent but very shy and disorganized, I received sympathy and compassion. When I informed others I am in fact Autistic, they accused me of using the diagnosis as an excuse for my behavior, rather than an explanation.”

Another area of failure at trying to pass is not believed. I have heard countless stories and encounter the problem myself that the ASD is often accused of lying. When most people lie they will avert their gaze, this subtle cue alerts the accuser that someone is lying, but with the ASD, the aversion for eye contact undermines their credibility no matter how much they plead with the NT leaving them demoralized. Perhaps out of need to placate the NT who are already suspicious, ASD’s will go out of their way to be as truthful as possible and still fail.