The Rave: Letting Go

            Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, Keith Cobain- how could someone famous do that?  The compulsion to suicide comes from within, and the death of the famous increases the compulsion. It bares the lie sold to us: material wealth does not equal happiness.

            Theodore Roosevelt said "Black care rarely sits behind a rider whose pace is fast enough." and promoted the "strenuous life" as an antidote while his brother drank himself to death.

            The four horsemen of suicide are depression, vulnerability, isolation and despair. Vulnerability in the face of failure at work, relationships, and money. Isolation from others fuels the urge–"no one will miss me". Despair at the unfairness of life chases the rider. Ultimately, the impulsive act boils down to one thing: they let go. The will to hold on is gone. The effort and strain becomes too much so they just let go.

            Suicide is an epidemic in America. According to the CDC suicide increased by 54% in the last decade, 50% die using a gun.

            Helping those who suffer is hard, because you don't know how to ease their pain and the victim feels the same way. Silence is deadly as each side struggles to deal with the demon in their midst. People are afraid to that ask someone about suicidal thoughts fearing it will drive them to the edge when in fact it will pull them back in relief.

            Drugs, therapy and physical activity can keep the black care at bay for only so long but depression is a liar and drains it's victim of the strength, clarity and desire to escape it's grasp. Seeking help is impossible when you feel nothing but desperation. Many have tried and tried and failed.

            Happiness is hard to maintain when it is fleeting and rare. When I do feel joy it's often accompanied by unease or I feel overwhelmed because I'm not used to it. The reverse is true for those who are generally happy and experience a blue funk. It feels unnatural. Depression is a palatable emotional pain, and as debilitating as physical pain. Even with  painkillers, it's still there and there are side effects.           

            Humans have a great capacity to endure enormous stress and trauma and come out the other side more or less intact- how I envy them. Ask a survivor of the holocaust, torture or prison. Then there are some who fold under a seemingly minor ailment or stress.  Despite his luck and prosperity George Eastman, who started the Kodak Film Co. killed himself. Ernest Hemingway raced with death all his life and finally gave up. Survival is for the fittest regardless of their circumstances and everyone has a limit to their endurance. 

            Adding to the horsemen is the current fashion of prejudice and intolerance feeding the isolation and despair.  Messages of comfort and empathy are sadly missing.

            How can you help a loved one who suffers from depression? Be there when they are down and the weight of existence feels too heavy. Talk to them about the things they enjoy or interest them as a distraction from the howl of despair. Listen when they express their pain- it is a balm to their souls.

            Life can be hard, it's harder when one feels deserted, unloved, weak. You can help another to outrun black care.

depression, suicide, Anthony Bourdain

The Rules of The Game

     After decades of studying the human race, I've noticed some interesting rules that keep popping up despite attempts at common sense and logic.

        The Law.

        From the death penalty to school dress codes, laws are meant to teach us how to behave, you know, like not killing each other and wearing plaids with stripes. So far the death penalty is useless as a deterrent and nobody gives a shit what you wear.

         Except- a girl was denied a place on a boys baseball team because the rules state she must wear a protective cup- the league smugly declared. So she started wearing a protective cup- around her ankle, got to follow the rules.

         A golfer with a walking disability was denied use of a golf cart at a PGA tournament, because the rulebook says everyone must walk and the cart is an unfair advantage the chairman of  "rules are rules" insisted. Turns out there was a loophole in the same rule book to use one. The Grand Poobah wasn't so happy then.

          Don't get me wrong, rules are important, they help define society and set boundaries to keep it under control, but absolute obedience to written rules can be ruinous, even lethal, when taken to extreme.

         Like the epic tragedy of the women denied an abortion -which would have saved her life- because abortions are illegal in Catholic Ireland. Praise be to God that law was upheld. The ramifications of breaking the rules can be debated later but you can't fix dead.

         Did these people really think upholding the rules with no exceptions would make them look good? Mind you, these were not some petty tyrants in the bowels of an organization- although they certainly acted like one, they were people in charge. I guess there is such a thing as bad publicity.

         They adhered to the law as a symbol of order and failed miserably. They exposed the limitations of fixed rules when they meet shifting reality. That brings us to the next rule.

          Delusion.

          Reality is a collective hunch that we pretty much make up as we go along.  Australia has strict rules on how climate change can be discussed-if at all and our darling EPA insists you not use certain words in climate reports like -anything connected to real science. Meanwhile coal and gas companies in the US have a free pass to continue to pollute an already strained environment. Meteorologist in Australia had to add another color to describe the record breaking temperatures during a ten year drought, followed by half of Brisbane under water from Winter flooding.

         "Hey everybody, all we have to do is simply disregard what's going on and it will go away." Yeah that's working out. There is no climate change, nobody is abusing children and, my favorite delusion of all-the Earth is flat.

         There are people who believe the earth is flat after watching videos on YouTube made by morons with no concept of science. Don't you see, NASA is concealing the truth with armed guards patrolling the ice wall that is Antarctica and the Arctic circle so we don't discover the truth and they can keep their budget. These are supposedly educated people who work without adult supervision. You're mocking our beliefs with your elitist snickering. They complain.

         No, we're laughing at idiots. I'm guessing this is a wholesale rejection of science because these same scientists are telling us how our discoveries and improvements on nature are destroying the world. If they got the shape of the earth wrong, what else did they get wrong? goes the weird logic. Science does get things wrong occasionally but not with this one.

         Ever since Descartes had his epiphany  "I think therefore I am" we have bought into the notion that the world is like a machine which can be controlled to do our bidding. Only now because of our attempt to tame it, we have screwed it up. Oops! Oh no wait, we had nothing to do with that. You can't have it both ways.

         Which brings me to delusions evil twin -denial.

         "Hey everybody, all we have to do is deny a problem and it wall go away"-like racism, child abuse, and persistent dandruff. Racism didn't go away even though black people can sit in a restaurant with white folks and get elected President.

         A white guy was harassing a black waitress in a restaurant to the point of her having to call the cops. He defended himself with- and I quote- "I'm not racist that nigger is making stuff up."            Facepalm. PC is not a cure for racism, it's just a vaccine shielding us from it's presence- until some unvaccinated dumb shit reminds us it's still there.

         The baseball league tried to kick a girl off a team because they really didn't want her to play with the boys- so they used the rule of law for another common tactic-

         The Work Around. When we don't like a staunch outdated rule, we simply find a way around it.

         Orthodox Jews respect the law that dictates that one cannot travel beyond their property on the Sabbath. Someone got the bright idea to collectively buy up a row of houses so they could visit the Bernstein's three doors down and not violate the law. See?

         Politicians and lawyers are notorious for fiddling with technicalities for a work around. The 13th Amendment bans slavery-except for prisoners. Corporate America has taken advantage of this loophole to brazen levels. They scored a trifecta with this one: cheap labor, re enslavement of minorities* and-in many states- keeping those convicted felons from voting. It's a winning loophole!

        The biggest rule book is the Bible of course, but there is not enough time to cover the cherry picking that goes on with that, it's threatening certainty created the work around.

        If it sounds like I'm picking on everyone -I am- because we all do these dumb, judgmental things, it's in our DNA along with arthritis and acne.

        You want to hate blacks, Jews, whatever, fine, you have the right to believe in whatever  suits you. The line is drawn when you force others to your belief.

         The Golden Rule is universal and promptly ignored for a reason. We like to judge and sneer down on others, it makes us feel special and superior but it just reveals how small we can be. In all the literature I've read on philosophy, religion, and metaphysics, the biggest rule is: don't coerce your will on others-it's bad karma.      

         The official denying a disabled golfer in a tournament does so because otherwise he would have to accept him as normal when he would rather see him as broken and beneath him.

         The law, parents and friends would rather think a young lady is lying about being sexually assaulted by that beloved teacher, coach or priest because the alternate is realizing they trusted someone who was evil.

         A politician or religious authority finds a loophole in sacred law because it interferes with their weekend plans or is a handy way to condemn a group they deem inferior.

         See how that works? I hate Rush Limbaugh and Nazis as much as the next person but they have a right to be here like the rest of us delusional folks.

         There are solutions to these behaviors. Acknowledge them, question everything. A reality check every once in a while is a good idea. Honestly is easier than trying to remember than what lie you're telling to who-including yourself. Denial, delusion, pedantry, loopholes simply put off the enviable realization that we're not as clever or enlightened as we thought.

         Let a law be a servant not a poor master. "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became an adult, I put away childish things."- St. Paul.

         When reality overwhelms you, have a drink, loosen up and remember, none of this is real anyway.

* The black population is only 12.5%  yet make up 24% of prison population.

An Open letter to Charlie Rose

Mr. Rose,

       I miss your show. I miss your insightful interviews with everyone from celebrities to heads of state, but most of all what I miss is the respect I had for you as a journalist.

      When I heard of the accusation of harassment, I thought it was overreaction, then I read the Washington Post and knew it was all too true because your behavior is all too common.

      When is society going to let men act beyond the narrow minded role of aggressor, winner and dominator in every interaction? When are we all going to learn respect each other instead of seeing trophies or something to fear? Why does a mature man act like an arrested juvenile? Is this really the only way men think they can gain power over women -with unwanted sexual advances? What were you thinking?

      "I am greatly embarrassed." Charlie Rose said "I have behaved insensitively at times, and I accept responsibility for that, though I do not believe that all of these allegations are accurate, I always felt that I pursued shared feelings though I now realize that I was mistaken."

      You can keep your retirement, you deserve it, with a sad stain on an otherwise great legacy. Or you can find atonement and continue to be a real voice in journalism we so desperately need in this time of chaos. You can do this confronting this issue. You can interviewDan Harmon and ask him about the self examination of his abusive behavior with a female co worker and how she forgave him. You can explore the effect of the degrading conditions women have endured in the workplace for decades and help everyone understand this cultural sexism. You can do this because you know how to get  people to speak the truth.

      “I do believe that someone as brilliant as Charlie could have sought help and documented the process,” says former assistant and accuser Kyle Godfrey-Ryan. “He could have dived into research about the male ego and tried to get to the root of why this pattern of abuse is so common with positions of power. He could have used this moment to change the state of play in journalism.”

Speak up Mr. Rose and be a mensch again. Owe up to this and join the liberation.

             Sincerely,

            Alisa McLaughlin

Charlie Rose Metoo sexual harassment Dan Harmon

The Myth of Martial Arts

           

      I have practiced Aikido for 30 years and feel the need to correct the unrealistic view of martial arts that have evolved over time.

     Movies in particular, are the big offenders. The fights are a thing of beuty; clean and neat with precise movements and counter attacks. The combatants are equal in skill and fight on for several minutes taking blows that barely leave a mark. Right.

     Ignorant amateurs constantly point out how fake martial art are, how that would never work in a real fight. Really? How many fights do they plan to be in? Most street fights are messy, violent and hardly ever equal. They are usually over in seconds when someone gets hurt or is knocked out. Keep in mind that videos of martial art techniques are demonstrations not combat. What these critics fail to see is the real purpose of martial arts. They are not about men challenging each other in cock fights to prove something.

A Brief History of Budo

      Tae Kwon Do means hands and feet, Karate means empty hands. These unarmed forms were developed by civilians and monks when only the military was allowed to own weapons.

     In feudal Japan, martial arts changed when the Shogun rule ended the petty civil wars and the Samurai were effectively out of a job. They had the time to blend Budo-martial arts-and Buddhism into a spiritual as well as physical practice. When the Samurai were dissolved in the 1860's martial arts evolved again into competitive sports.

Training for Real Life

     Most people take up martial arts as self defense, a way to exercise or as self improvement. The techniques aren't about learning cool moves to defend yourself in a street fight or warding off robbers. You are not expected to use the maneuvers taught but apply the confidence and composure you learn to everyday life. Stuck in traffic? Instead of fuming, relax, do some meditation. Someone being obnoxious? Stay calm and centered so you don't lose your balance or temper. Same with emergency situations.

     The TV Show "What would You Do?" demonstrated an excellent example. A man posed as a an abusive boyfriend in a park. He was approached by another man who firmly and calmly told him to back off. He did the right thing the right way. It turns out the passerby had a black belt in karate and although he was nervous at the encounter, he remained steady the whole time.

      I have used Aikido many times over the years and never had to put a hand on anyone. It's about being centered and gauging a situation to avoid danger or escalation- something police officers should learn.

     The critics of martial arts or combat challengers don't understand what they are talking about. Morihei Ueshiba, a fierce warrior and founder of aikido realized, "True budo must be the spirit of harmony and loving protection of all creation."

           

The Rave: Home, Home on the Range

    There is considerable talk about efficient cars, smaller homes, cleaner energy but for the most part, it's talk. The reality is that we live in a society that wants you to use more gas, have a bigger house and use up more energy resources because-money. Specifically, tax revenue.

    The more gas you use, the more road tax is collected. Same with property. City zoning prefers you have a bigger house based on the economics of property tax. The idea that you can do whatever you want with your property is anathema to local zoning. Private property owners inthe Portland area found this out after building small additions on their land and then were handed huge tax increases.

 People who want to live off the grid on their land have been cited for living in unsafe conditions and forced to go on the grid, at their expense so that local utilities can make money.

    Large cities have also expressed little interest in resources or space for the poor and homeless because there is no profit in it. The housing market prefers high rents forcing out the middle class and poor causing evictions instead of small, sustainable living. Most cities require a dwelling to be at least 500 sq. feet making most tiny homes illegal.

    For now there is no incentive to be resourceful. Bigger is better, a scenario based on the delusion that land and fossil fuels are inexhaustible as well as a burgeoning economy.

    Solar energy? In Spain you are taxed for using it even as the user attempts to lower their electrical bills. There are attempts to ban it in some places because it competes with the local utilities.

     The current approach to development involves asking for a tax break from a local city government claiming it will improve the economy but that bargain comes at our expense. How does this encourage sustainability? How does this promote efficient use of land and resources?

     Contractors don't want to build small homes-not profitable. Banks don't want to finance or loan for the same reasons. Realtors can't sell them because of the belief no one wants a small house. These are the realities economy living are up against.

      The archaic codes governing land use, energy and building have to be modified to suit the changing landscape. There are solutions and movements to more sustainable living. The alternatives are spreading because they are more economical and efficient.

The Rave Conversation with an Adept

 And now for a completely different approach to the discussion of current events.

            The morning was full of bright sunlight through the windows as I wandered into the dining room with my morning cup of tea.

            "You look rather intense, what's on your mind?" The adept asked as I sat down at the table across from him.

            " Oh the latest mass shooting," I ventured, my voice tinged with sad fatigue at yet  another massacre.

            "The discussion- what little there is- is just a lot of noise," he said.

            "What do you mean by noise?" I asked with some irritation.

            " Talking round the subject rather than straight on. It's not about gun control, mental health issues, politics or the NRA. What do all these shootings have in common?"  he asked as he pulled out a deck of cards and started a game of solitaire, his favorite meditation tool, while I contemplated. Where did these boys learn to pick up a gun and shoot in anger? We don't see gays or women lashing out with assault rifles.

            "Angry men," I answered.

            "Yes, and what is it that makes these men so angry they are driven to kill? No noisy answers please," he admonished me with a smile, as I was about to offer my own opinion. I shut up and thought again.

              What really baffles me about this latest shooting is that instead of praising teenagers for standing up, they are being ridiculed by adults for wanting to put weapons down.

            It occurs to me there is an element of the bully culture here. Deep down adults condone these shootings the same way they condone bullying despite claiming "zero tolerance" of it. They secretly wish they could mete out their boiling anger at the misfits, the loners and students who are different. They let the bully do the dirty work then defend them. Punishing the rebellious is an easy solution.

            I guess it's the fear of losing control that pushes the patriarchy to smear and deride victims of violence-especially the women. Except, this time, young men are joining in the pushback at the usual vindictive response.

            " I think this needs to be answered by men," I said in defeat; his smile widens.

            "Yes. We need to look at the legacy handed down to us and reject a philosophy that a only allows for angry isolation. Hundreds more will die until men learn to express themselves beyond the narrow confines society has forced on them ."

             Really? I thought with a raised eyebrow, that's a tough sell, considering even a discussion of feelings is seen as wimpy and emasculating.

            " I've only been waiting for men's liberation for forty years," I said sardonically. He looked up from his game with a jerk of the head and stared at me with an expression of certainty.

            "It will happen when love replaces anger and hope replaces cynicism, " he said with conviction. "Embrace all of your emotions and be a full human being," he said, spreading out his hands. I should know better than to debate with an optimist and stared at him.

            "Drink you tea, it's getting cold."            

           

The Rave: Mind Your Manners

            People today just don't have any manners. I think Emily post and Miss Manners should be required reading in high school and as probation for bad behavior.

            The biggest offender of all is the cell phone. My friends know how I feel about phones but for those of you who don't -I HATE PHONES. I have no patience for the careless way people use them. A woman traveling on Amtrak was kicked off after talking non stop for 16 hours and she was unrepentant. She should have been removed after an hour.

            People loudly and blithely share their conversations with strangers at restaurants, buses, and grocery stores. Should you ask them to be quiet you may be sharply told to "mind your own business" as if it were easy to ignore a loudmouth. I've heard cell phones go off during Met Opera radio broadcasts. Honestly, if they can't even manage their phone, how could they be responsible parents?

            There are some simple rules to avoid pissing people off.

            If you are with someone and the phone rings either ignore it or ask the person to call later. The person you're with is more important.

            Don't use the cell phone while driving-Ever! It's distracting and dangerous. I politely scolded a friend for texting while her grandson was in the back seat, her excuse was that she had time while at a red light. Anyone who thinks they can handle such multi-tasking is an accident in the making.

            Despite the abundance of clocks and time saving conveniences, no one seems to manage their time very well. If  you are running late, inform people and when you arrive late- thank them for their patience. Give people a 15 minute grace period for appointments.

            When someone offers you a gift say thank you. Whether it's unsolicited advice, or gas money for a car ride, graciously accept it. It cost you nothing and makes the other person feel appreciated.

            Social media can be blamed for the deterioration of civility. Here we are, in an age where people feel entitled to do or say whatever they please with no consideration for others. The internet has made it abundantly clear how mean spirited people are in private because of its anonymity. Mean, bigoted or hateful speech is a waste of  time. We have the right to free speech but that doesn't mean others have to agree with what we say.

       Don't say anything on line you wouldn't say to someone's face. If you want to post a photo, first ask permission from the person pictured. If you text a favor, request or offer and the person refuses don't get all huffy and take it personal, their lives are as busy as yours.                          
        As Miss Manners stated "One of the biggest sorrows in America is that people want to retaliate against rudeness with rudeness. One of my main missions is to say no, there is no excuse for rudeness."

The Rave: All Shook Up

           
            Are you ready for the big one? The big earthquake predicted the for the Northwest that is.

            In a recent New Yorker article Kenneth Murphy, head of the FEMA division responsible for Cascadia stated that everything west of I-5 "is toast". This shocking statement has brought a largely unnoticed threat to public attention. The author's follow up article offers excellent information.  A recent audit confirms that we are woefully unprepared when it strikes. People don't think about or plan for disaster because it's human nature to believe nothing bad will happen. People who think this way will not survive an earthquake. I lived in San Francisco years ago and experienced several small quakes and trust me, even a little shaking is scary.

            The Eugene Fire department offers a free Community Emergency Response Team course (CERT) that teaches you what to expect and what to do in an emergency. Do research, the Red Cross and other services have information too, look them up.

            First, learn basic first aid and CPR. Have a three day supply of food, water and essentials on hand. Don't assume you can pick up a phone and call the fire department and they'll be there in a jiffy. They will be overwhelmed so it may take takes days for them to get to you.

            Get the whole family together and plan an evacuation route out of the house and where to meet up in case of separation. Your cell phone may not have local reception but you may be able to make a long distance call. Have family or a friend as an out of state contact for everyone.          
            I still have earthquake hazard rules left over from living in SF like not placing heavy objects on shelves that can fall on you. Secure bookshelves and the water heater to a wall. Have shoes next to the bed in case you have to exit quickly and not step on broken glass.

            It's  really, really important to take care of you and your family but it's equally important to help your neighbors. Despite the heartlessness of selfish survivors depicted in disaster movies, people can and do care for each other when things go wrong. Remember, you are most likely on your own after a fire, flood or earthquake.

            Even if you never face a major catastrophe, being prepared for more common crisis' like  a heart attack, a broken leg, a car accident or severe weather increases the chances of survival. If you are proactive and informed should disaster strike, you will be ready for anything.

           

           

The Rave: Pharaoh Has Spoken

            I went recently to a Jay Pharaoh show, a brilliant impersonator from SNL. Much of his material was standard dick jokes and occasional political humor. What I found interesting and a bit disturbing was his prolific use of "nigger ". The largely white  audience laughed perhaps a bit from nervousness, because–rightfully­– this is still a forbidden word.

            This isn't a PC complaint. I see what young guys like Pharaoh and Chris Rock are trying to do by appropriating the word as a form of empowerment but there's too much historical weight against it.

            I'm old enough to remember an ignorant five year old calling someone that and my mother harshly rebuking me to never use that word again. To this day it makes me cringe.

            Imagine my shock hearing comedians use it for a easy laugh. Pharaoh is only 30 years old and has the kind of freedom his parents and grandparents never had. He doesn't have to endure the "hate stare" on a daily basis or use a segregated restroom. But the word and its connotations is still a weapon for racists.  Samuel Jackson reminded a hesitant Leonardo DiCaprio while filming "Django Unchained" that hearing the word was "just another Tuesday" for him and other blacks.  Richard Pryor famously used the word in his routines until he went to Africa and understood its poisonous effect on African Americans. Fellow comedian and friend Paul Monney tried to dull its edge with the frequent use but when Michael Richards melted down at a show and hurled the word at some hecklers- Mooney changed his mind.

            Like gays calling each other fag, or the disabled referring to themselves as the real "crips" the word is acceptable within the tribe but not to outsiders.

             We may have to wait another generation before the shock value fades from the consciousness of blacks and whites then no one will care to use the word because it won't matter any more.

O Homeless Brother

-->

            There is a homeless crisis in this country due to many causes: the economy, rising house costs and lost jobs. Most attempts to help, however are hampered by irrational fear and ignorance.

            While the problem is hotly debated in city meetings across the country, shelters and missions are filled to capacity and people wait on long lists to find anywhere to live. Instead of active compassion, the homeless are dismissed with worn cliches:  "These bums are a hopeless plague of thieving junkie locusts that leave garbage everywhere. Go out and get a job.  The next time you hear that ask them, would they hire a homeless person? How easy was it for you to get your job? Where can they get a full night's sleep, wear clean clothes and show up for employment on time while living on the streets? If giving the homeless a safe, healthy place to live seems extravagant, imagine wandering around downtown in pain or in severe weather without money or warm shoes and see how that feels.

            They would be off the streets if they had a safe place but many city governments are unwilling or unable to even provide space for tiny homes or camping. A well meaning activist in LA  built portable shelters for those on the streets only to have the city confiscate them with all the possessions inside. (https://www.npr.org/2016/03/03/469054634/la-officials-bring-the-hammer-down-on-tiny-houses-for-homeless) We can not expect government to solve the problem when they have no incentive to do so.

            Criminalizing the homeless is spendy and doesn't work. The cost of jail in Oregon is approximately $85/day per person, or about $30,000 a year. Having people on the street varies from $25,000 to $80,000 depending upon the location. The cost of affordable housing in Portland is $85,000 to $250,000 per unit. After doing the math, many cities have decided it's cheaper to build low rent apartments rather than having people living on the street or in jail/prison. Utah had a 67% drop in homelessness by giving the chronically homeless an apartment and a social worker to help them regain their life.

              "They chose to be homeless" is another way of saying  "it will never happen to me, so why should I care". Actually it could happen to any of us as many live one pay check away form eviction or foreclosure. They don't want the homeless around to remind them how close to the edge they are.

            "In reality, there are scary people in this shelter and it’s going to be located very close to lots of children."  Replace the shelter with a liquor, adult or gun store and you have the usual over reaction so common with NIMBY. When in doubt, bring up the imagined threat to children. In reality such concerns are a naive attempt to deny the reality of poverty and the dangers of the world.

            "There will be trash, needles and waste if they live nearby," goes the angry objection. No, not if they have a home and are educated on how to be a good neighbor, not to mention the stability to get treatment for addiction or mental illness.

            The core of this fear is that a community chooses to see the poor as disposible failures. Seeing them as a real or imagined threat is an excuse to justify intolerance. Never mind that they are members of said community.

            The homeless are suspicious, paranoid and violent as a reaction to their harsh situation, not as a normal behavior. How would you behave if you were scorned, ignored or derided all the time?

            Once we get past our reflex fear and see these are human beings who are, for numerous reasons poor, jobless or ill, we can see that helping those less fortunate is the way to improve the wellness of the whole community here and now.

Atonement and the Paradigm Shift

            The culture of violating women is over. The victims have spoken and society reacted with predictable hyperbole and public conviction. Not too long ago no one was willing to believe a woman's story of assault, lewd behavior, or plain old sexism. Now every report is seen as a reason to send them into exile. The guilty should be called out, but there is also a witch hunt going on. Accusation followed by ostracizing is not the way a civilized society learns.

            What's disturbing and destructive in the wave of these outings is the atmosphere of fear and smoldering anger lingering over all involved. What's sorely missing is maturity before, during and after the fact. Juvenile behavior is met with equally immature reaction. A mere touch is enough to send people into a frenzy. Clarity and wisdom are impossible in the current atmosphere of panic and injustice.

             Where is the true penance by society for it's tacit condoning of past criminal actions?  Has anyone apologized to Sinead O'Conner for incinerating her career after she tore up a photo of the pope for his implication in the rape of children by priests? No, instead he was made a saint. Our current president openly boasted of grabbing women any way he wants but it's the guy he  boasted to who got punished. A coach is caught raping a boy in the locker room shower and the witness is told to keep his mouth shut or he will lose his job- a sad reality to those who try to put a spotlight on our conflicts with sex, power and gender. Instead of healing the gaping wound these power games inflict, we put a band aid on it and walk away.

            We have a poor memory when it comes to past injustice. Atonement, redemption and wisdom are also sadly missing. Will any real change come about after the hysteria dies down? If the past is any indication the answer is a weak but well meaning no.

 " A world in which there is no sexual harassment at all is a world in which there will not be any flirtation." Garrison Keillor, 1994. There is a difference between harassment and flirtation but in the current hysteria we can't tell the difference because the boundary is not made clear for both sides.

            We are wired differently, endless study has shown this and when men and women engage in the business world ,we are playing by different rules, we forget the differences in perception.

            A man may see a crude joke in mixed company or an endearment followed a pat on the ass as innocent when it's actually intended to keep a women in a inferior position. Would a man behave that way toward his sister or aunt? Would he repeat that sexual joke in front of his mother? No, because he's not playing a power game or has a secret erection. Women tend to stay silent to avoid conflict and confrontation. This can be exploited by men as a kind of consent.

            Women need to challenge men when they behave boorishly and men need to recognize the challenge as a sign they are doing something wrong-it's bad for business. These men weren't fired by women, they were fired by men. It is unrealistic for men and women to act more like the other but there has to be a middle ground where they can work together without this toxic behavior.
https://apnews.com/f9060549e9c54857a3657a26fc5eb099/Weinstein's-Impact:-List-of-men-accused-of-sexual-misconduct