I hate being sick. More than anything, it sucks unmentionable donkey parts. It was bad enough I had being suffering from a pulled muscle in my back, curbing aikido- my only real physical activity, now this. I woke up this Sunday feeling a bit off. I starting coughing and it got worse, real fast. By Monday it was apparent it was allergy time and full blown Bronchitis on top of it. The coughing became painful, wracking and constant.
I remember my mom's best advice: if symptoms persist or get worse after three days, see a doctor.So Thursday morning, after a night of fitful codeine induced "sleep" I dragged myself to the doctor who told me what I already knew, allergy plus bronchitis makes Alisa very , very miserable, vunerable and no damn good to anyone, least of all herself. Fine give me the goddamn prescription and let me slink back home old man.
Which reminds me that I'm not the only one miserable when I'm sick. Last night as I checked my temperture for the 6th time -hovering around 100 I informed my housemate that when it hits 102 he should get me to Urgent Care.
'Did you take aspirin?" he asked.
"I took advil." I corrected.
'Did you take aspirin?" he repeated peevishly. Too tired to argue I shook my head. He went to get some. I knew all we had was aspirin with codeine which I didn't think was needed and that shit is wicked. It just hammers me.
He returns with three tablets and water. I'm not taking three, I take two and he also offers me a glass of orange juice when I inform him that one doesn't do that because the citric acid interferes with the acid in aspirin.
"Since when?" he reallys annoying me now.
"It's common knowledge." I tell him with matching annoyance. He switches wit with a glass of apple juice as I explain that my throat is too sore to handle the tartness of the orange juice anyway.
"The drink plenty of fluids and stop talking." he is practically shoving the juice into my hands.
"God you are the worst nurse in the world. " I mutter as I head back to my comfy chair. Mr. warm and fuzzy he is not.
Comfort and tender loving care is what I need. What I need is someone to take care of me like Florence Nightingale instead of Oscar the grouch.
Why do I put up with this shit? What is point of being sick. Nothing ever comes of it except that for a month afterwards I'm mighty glad I'm not sick. I'm sure there's some cosmic lesson here but I'm not buying it. All I know is that another week is shot and I got nothing done as I sit hacking and my head feels like it's going to explode from the pressure in my sinuses
Did mention how I hate being sick? The good news is my back isn't sore anymore. Seems all that sitting around and complete rest did the trick. Now I think I'll take a shower, I probably reek as well.
Thursday, April 30
Sunday, April 26
Stimulate this!
"Where Should Stimulus Dollars Go."
So the government is handing out money huh? The question is not where the moneyshould go but how it will be spent. Badly, if history is any indication. Instead of saving what’s left of schools, dealing with the high unemployment and lack of public safety, the State of Oregon is wasting time/money on harebrained issues and distractions. Currently our clueless leaders are working on defining an honest pint of beer, whether bicyclists should be allowed to roll through stop signs- which they do already - and should a retiree be allowed to have a miniature train line on his property. Like, who gives a shit.
Giving states, banks and failing auto companies more money and expecting a culture raised on excessive spending to use it wisely is like giving alcohol to a drunk then being surprised they go on a bender. We can not afford to go on as we have in the past trying every get rich scheme that comes along to prop up our economy and feed our addiction to kitsch.
We sold off our industry, out sourced labor and educate others to be smarter than us. Where do the world’s elite send their kids to college? Right here. Saudi Arabia pays for it’s citizens who come here for college while it is increasingly out of reach to many Americans. And not just at the college level.
Our primary schools are dying of budget cancer. Here in Oregon the coastal school districts has made catastrophic cuts. A recent Register Guard article listed the horrors . . . “Siuslaw has already lost wood shop, the school nurse, a reading specialist, two janitors, a vice principal, middle school art, industrial arts, driver education, study hall, junior varsity basketball and six days from the school year.” There’s nothing left. They are trying to save the ship by tossing the children overboard.
The most important place to spend the money is on education. The best thing the US produces are smart people and that is why educational funding is so important. It is our greatest resource. After W.W.II the US invested in education and raised the standard of living with astounding results. In the last thirty years that investment has dwindled to the point of college graduates today carrying $20,000 -$30,000 in debt with fewer opportunities in the job market. We must create a new model that will make the US education system the envy of the rest of the world and be affordable to everyone.
For starters end specialization. Broaden the curriculum beyond the basics, the sooner the better. Encourage Renaissance thinkers. DaVinci, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin have one very important element in common. They benefited from an education that exposed them to many subjects. Studies have shown the overwhelming positive effect art, music, and theater has on the young in the areas of math, science and language, as well as socialization and problem solving skills. All grade levels should expose the student to as many different ideas as possible. The engineer learns from art as the scientist learns from poetry.
What we excel at more than any other country is innovation and new ideas. After years decreasing productivity, it’s time to turn to the reliable, cost effective and valuable commodity -knowledge to make our society proud again.
So the government is handing out money huh? The question is not where the moneyshould go but how it will be spent. Badly, if history is any indication. Instead of saving what’s left of schools, dealing with the high unemployment and lack of public safety, the State of Oregon is wasting time/money on harebrained issues and distractions. Currently our clueless leaders are working on defining an honest pint of beer, whether bicyclists should be allowed to roll through stop signs- which they do already - and should a retiree be allowed to have a miniature train line on his property. Like, who gives a shit.
Giving states, banks and failing auto companies more money and expecting a culture raised on excessive spending to use it wisely is like giving alcohol to a drunk then being surprised they go on a bender. We can not afford to go on as we have in the past trying every get rich scheme that comes along to prop up our economy and feed our addiction to kitsch.
We sold off our industry, out sourced labor and educate others to be smarter than us. Where do the world’s elite send their kids to college? Right here. Saudi Arabia pays for it’s citizens who come here for college while it is increasingly out of reach to many Americans. And not just at the college level.
Our primary schools are dying of budget cancer. Here in Oregon the coastal school districts has made catastrophic cuts. A recent Register Guard article listed the horrors . . . “Siuslaw has already lost wood shop, the school nurse, a reading specialist, two janitors, a vice principal, middle school art, industrial arts, driver education, study hall, junior varsity basketball and six days from the school year.” There’s nothing left. They are trying to save the ship by tossing the children overboard.
The most important place to spend the money is on education. The best thing the US produces are smart people and that is why educational funding is so important. It is our greatest resource. After W.W.II the US invested in education and raised the standard of living with astounding results. In the last thirty years that investment has dwindled to the point of college graduates today carrying $20,000 -$30,000 in debt with fewer opportunities in the job market. We must create a new model that will make the US education system the envy of the rest of the world and be affordable to everyone.
For starters end specialization. Broaden the curriculum beyond the basics, the sooner the better. Encourage Renaissance thinkers. DaVinci, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin have one very important element in common. They benefited from an education that exposed them to many subjects. Studies have shown the overwhelming positive effect art, music, and theater has on the young in the areas of math, science and language, as well as socialization and problem solving skills. All grade levels should expose the student to as many different ideas as possible. The engineer learns from art as the scientist learns from poetry.
What we excel at more than any other country is innovation and new ideas. After years decreasing productivity, it’s time to turn to the reliable, cost effective and valuable commodity -knowledge to make our society proud again.
Wednesday, April 22
Pure Poetry
The Watch
I have a watch I said-watch.
A marvel of mechanical magic, held out before me.
The phases of the moon, stars and mythical creatures
Whirl in an arc across it’s face.
I opened it to show my sister, it moved in my hand.
Ptolemy the immortal gave us a show,
A heaven of spheres spin and shrink-
One inside the other with the Earth at it’s core.
“I don’t understand this.” Sister halted us with a comment.
Bravely the watch went on as through a gallery we walked.
Before us came dioramas and chimes
Spelling out the story of it all.
Curiosity got the better of her,
Sister stuck her fingers into the cogs,
and the universe altered.
One stone broke off the French Renaissance.
Sister was upset, “I’m sorry I faltered.”
I panicked and gasped “But I just bought this.”
So I surveyed in puzzlement as Ptolemy’s servants
Glued the pieces back together in ignorant bliss.
We continued in time.
It was really quite comical;
Things disappeared right out of our minds,
As monks wrote nonsense in the dark.
Boats wouldn’t float and planets flew on their own.
Strangest of all- people walked backward,
As they pointed ahead crying” This way, this way.”
At last I put the marvel in my pocket for safekeeping,
But when I reached for it later, all I found were loose parts
Mixed in with spare change.
“Oh no!” I cried in dismay,
But somehow I knew,
It would rebuild itself without me.
This poem was based on a dream I had many years ago after purchasing a pocket watch. It's one of the last great vivid dreams I've ever had. These days, my dreams aren't worth shit.
Friday, April 17
Dogs and Cats
It’s been pointed out before and yes it’s a generalization but it’s true. Men are like dogs and women are like cats.
Dogs will go out in any weather. Cold. wet, muddy, whatever. They’re thinking “oh boy oh goody, let’s go.” When you open the door to let the cat out she will give you a sour look that says “I don’t think so.”
A dog will eat anything you put in front of them- quickly, loudly and immediately want seconds. The dog will not care what it is. A cat will nibble at the food with hesitant interest- if at all- and save some for later.
A dog is up front when he’s mad at you. “I’ll show him” he thinks and shits in the hallway while you’re gone. Ten minutes after you scold him when you’ve discovered the mess, he will come back wagging his tail and looking for a treat as if nothing happened.
Cats are cunning and will bide their time. A cat will make sure you witness them piss, puke or deposit some other foul, toxic waste on your bed-while you’re in it. She will then glare at you as if to say “You deserve it.”
Dogs and cats are fun too. A dog will always want to sit in your lap whether there is room for the both of you on the couch or chair. Cats have character and often surprise with their antics. And let’s face it, there is nothing better to cuddle with on a cold night than a dog or cat.
Dogs will go out in any weather. Cold. wet, muddy, whatever. They’re thinking “oh boy oh goody, let’s go.” When you open the door to let the cat out she will give you a sour look that says “I don’t think so.”
A dog will eat anything you put in front of them- quickly, loudly and immediately want seconds. The dog will not care what it is. A cat will nibble at the food with hesitant interest- if at all- and save some for later.
A dog is up front when he’s mad at you. “I’ll show him” he thinks and shits in the hallway while you’re gone. Ten minutes after you scold him when you’ve discovered the mess, he will come back wagging his tail and looking for a treat as if nothing happened.
Cats are cunning and will bide their time. A cat will make sure you witness them piss, puke or deposit some other foul, toxic waste on your bed-while you’re in it. She will then glare at you as if to say “You deserve it.”
Dogs and cats are fun too. A dog will always want to sit in your lap whether there is room for the both of you on the couch or chair. Cats have character and often surprise with their antics. And let’s face it, there is nothing better to cuddle with on a cold night than a dog or cat.
Friday, April 10
Fuck the Taliban
There's more to the discussion on what makes a real man.
After reading Ellen Goodman’s column about the Taliban’s war on women, I have a simple but radical solution to this state of affairs that will solve the problem for everyone.
Ban women from living in any Taliban held territory in Afghanistan. I’m absolutely serious. Make a deal with Karzai, he loves making deals. An international women’s rights group, The UN maybe even the US government could go to him and say “Since the Taliban don’t respect women, we’ll buy them.” That’s right a hundred bucks a head for all the women and girls. Let them live where they will be valued, honored and can thrive. It’s a win-win proposition: The Afghan government can make money, the women will be protected and the Taliban will go extinct.
It is all too apparent that these Neanderthals are seriously deformed misogynists. To them the only purpose for an Afghani woman is to breed more male Taliban. (Hell Khandahar is already a hot bed of homosexuality ) They satisfy their inferiority complexes by beating up defenseless females to vent anger at their own distorted egos. This has got to stop.
As Sima Samor stated in her story “Human rights are not a Western concept but universal and necessary for all human beings.” Since these men are not acting like human beings, women should not be allowed around them.
After reading Ellen Goodman’s column about the Taliban’s war on women, I have a simple but radical solution to this state of affairs that will solve the problem for everyone.
Ban women from living in any Taliban held territory in Afghanistan. I’m absolutely serious. Make a deal with Karzai, he loves making deals. An international women’s rights group, The UN maybe even the US government could go to him and say “Since the Taliban don’t respect women, we’ll buy them.” That’s right a hundred bucks a head for all the women and girls. Let them live where they will be valued, honored and can thrive. It’s a win-win proposition: The Afghan government can make money, the women will be protected and the Taliban will go extinct.
It is all too apparent that these Neanderthals are seriously deformed misogynists. To them the only purpose for an Afghani woman is to breed more male Taliban. (Hell Khandahar is already a hot bed of homosexuality ) They satisfy their inferiority complexes by beating up defenseless females to vent anger at their own distorted egos. This has got to stop.
As Sima Samor stated in her story “Human rights are not a Western concept but universal and necessary for all human beings.” Since these men are not acting like human beings, women should not be allowed around them.
When Men are Real Men
Back in the 70’s at the height of the women’s liberation movement I remember thinking “ Thank God, the men’s liberation can’t be far behind.” It’s just starting.
Maybe the men’s liberation is the realization that women aren’t the enemy but their own egos. In many countries men are actively threatened by the idea of educating females to the point of shutting down schools and forbidding them to hold jobs or venture beyond the house. Now there is a growing trend where men are helping to build schools and encourage the education of girls. There is an African saying “Teach a boy and you educate an individual, teach a girl and you educate an village.”
Men are learning to define themselves by who they are rather than what they own. Men build monuments to themselves- the better car, material wealth, the perfect family, sexual conquests. Measuring themselves by external achievements. When they lose any of these, they feel they are losers. Instead they are learning to look -like women - at intangibles like inner peace, the support of family, how they overcome adversity. Those are real masculine values.
Men are beginning to change their image. It’s not just being cold jocks. It’s helping to raise a a child-diapers and all. It’s being able to make fun of the old machoism, whether it’s allowing themselves to look silly or effete to admitting how much they need male friendships like the movie “I Love You Man”. Men -real men- can cook, redesign a room or express emotions beyond anger and it’s ok. Women like that, really we do.
Women’s liberation has become the liberation of men as well and it's about time.
Maybe the men’s liberation is the realization that women aren’t the enemy but their own egos. In many countries men are actively threatened by the idea of educating females to the point of shutting down schools and forbidding them to hold jobs or venture beyond the house. Now there is a growing trend where men are helping to build schools and encourage the education of girls. There is an African saying “Teach a boy and you educate an individual, teach a girl and you educate an village.”
Men are learning to define themselves by who they are rather than what they own. Men build monuments to themselves- the better car, material wealth, the perfect family, sexual conquests. Measuring themselves by external achievements. When they lose any of these, they feel they are losers. Instead they are learning to look -like women - at intangibles like inner peace, the support of family, how they overcome adversity. Those are real masculine values.
Men are beginning to change their image. It’s not just being cold jocks. It’s helping to raise a a child-diapers and all. It’s being able to make fun of the old machoism, whether it’s allowing themselves to look silly or effete to admitting how much they need male friendships like the movie “I Love You Man”. Men -real men- can cook, redesign a room or express emotions beyond anger and it’s ok. Women like that, really we do.
Women’s liberation has become the liberation of men as well and it's about time.
Thursday, April 2
Would you like barbed wire with that?
I went to my favorite bakery ”Sweet Life” to indulge a little. Which I did literally.
“I’d like a petite four.” The one I pointed to behind the glass display was in the shape of a cute little bunny and as I watched the staff reach for it I wondered. . .
“Could you like put it in a mouse trap maybe with it’s head crushed for effect?” I asked. Well you can imagine their reaction.
“You have sick sense of humor.” the tall woman behind the counter said pleasantly.
“Why thank you.” that’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me .
I do have an evil thought once a day to keep myself human. It got me to thinking about a whole line of twisted pastry. A stake made of candy through a donut oozing cherry filling or a croissant cut with a miniature Guillotine. Gosh the possibilities are endless.
Let’s face it, pastry is way too cute and this certainly would help curb people’s appetite for sweets. What a motive to diet.
Now what can be done to make coffee weird?
“I’d like a petite four.” The one I pointed to behind the glass display was in the shape of a cute little bunny and as I watched the staff reach for it I wondered. . .
“Could you like put it in a mouse trap maybe with it’s head crushed for effect?” I asked. Well you can imagine their reaction.
“You have sick sense of humor.” the tall woman behind the counter said pleasantly.
“Why thank you.” that’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me .
I do have an evil thought once a day to keep myself human. It got me to thinking about a whole line of twisted pastry. A stake made of candy through a donut oozing cherry filling or a croissant cut with a miniature Guillotine. Gosh the possibilities are endless.
Let’s face it, pastry is way too cute and this certainly would help curb people’s appetite for sweets. What a motive to diet.
Now what can be done to make coffee weird?
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