This post was written as a personal plea but it can apply to others as well.
I love hanging with my family and
friends because I'm most at ease with them but sometimes, melt downs
happen. We all have them but for
someone with ASD it's a constant
threat. Social situations are fraught with mental land mines. Being sensitive
to the environment, staying hyper alert to act "normal" and be in
control of my emotions is tiring and sometimes it's too much- I snap. So while you,
the neuro typical, may brush it off frustration with a deep sigh or shake of the head, the
autistic will retreat into silence, "stimming" (short for self
simulating behavior like rocking or flapping hands) or going ballistic. Guess
which route I usually go? Often times I'm so overwhelmed I don't see it coming
then I'm aghast at my mistake and now everyone is uncomfortable and it's all my
fault etc. A melt down is a signal that I'm in acute state of anxiety, lost
control, or worse, sensed I have done something wrong.
To
avoid this kind of discomfort, the best thing to do is realize it's not a
willful childish tantrum to get attention- quite the opposite, I'm acting out
of stress and anxiety. Gently let me know with a gesture and "It's ok, slow down, get your one
point, breath." and change the subject. This will calm me down, distract me
from obsessing about the distress and I will be better company.
Unlike
some people who embrace their disability, I dislike being autistic. Melt downs reminds me how, among other
things, I misread subtle social cues, body language and get caught up in a self
centered loop of negative criticism.
Understand
that autism is a way of perceiving the world, that my emotional age is
arrested, and is never going to change no matter how hard I try. Please respect
that and be kind to the hurt child in me.
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