Being Different is Not a Problem

 

         A teenager is seen crying during his father's speech and everyone is so  surprised and stunned at the unusual, heightened display of emotion. Given how emotionally suppressed our society is --I'm not surprised at all. Being normal means one must react to any given situation in an acceptable manner or risk being labeled as insensitive, cold, unfeeling.

         "Neurodiversity" has come to mean anyone who expresses themselves beyond a narrow accepted range. People have been arrested and accused of murder because they react oddly calm when police inform them of a family death. Autistic people are constantly labeled as incapable of empathy. It never occurs to anyone that the non reaction may be due to being overwhelmed with emotion and shutting down.

          We can blame things like shifting culture, politics, technology but I suspect the real culprit is the fear of the other.

         We live in a world of such wild diversity in plants and animals it's hard to imagine. While we marvel at the variety of nature, when it comes to people we go to extremes to shun those who are --different. Different is suspect, it makes us uncomfortable because it's not normal. But what is normal?

         Being different- and you can point to just about anything as a target-is viewed as an existential threat.

         From the beginning of life, children are considered pieces of clay to be molded into a copy of the parents. That includes fitting in with the social order by means of education, religion, politics or sports. We must all be alike and if you aren't then you are the enemy and we need enemies to draw a community together against the other.

         Why?

         It's the way we are wired. We strive to dominate. Oh we can theorize the root cause in evolution, conformity, tribalism, etc. but it's just a fancy way of saying we are this way because somewhere in our distant past we had a reason to fear the unknown and have not outgrown it. We like to think we are civilized, intelligent creatures but beneath the sophisticated exterior is a frightened animal clinging to their clan because something is different.

         Accepting difference means being flexible, to adjust and compensate for it but physical, mental and spiritual gymnastics are not our strong suit.

         The genetic difference between any human being is minute yet we imagine the difference is vast. The difference can be as minor as someone crying or what they wear, anything is fair game for judgment.

         A black man watering the neighbors garden. That Jewish family with their strange customs and dress. The young man in the convenience store with bright orange hair and lots of tattoos. All are measured as a threat when there is none at all.

         Different.

         The next time you look at someone and sense they're different and easy to disdain, remember- they are probably doing the same to you.        

         There's reason the Golden Rule is in most philosophy and religions, it's meant to balance our ancient fear and equalize humanity. Primordial ignorance isolates us from each other.

         We try to breed plants and animals toward an ideal --sometimes with disastrous, ugly results. We should not do the same with human nature. Different can be enlightening just look at geniuses like Newton, Einstein, Alan Turing, they most certainly were different. Picasso's parents complained to a teacher that all Pablo did was draw. So enroll him in art school was the response.

          Learning to appreciate and celebrate differences is the next evolutionary step in the right direction.