Was it Something I Said?

 

    Assumptions, we make them all the time and 9 times out of 10 they are wrong. I used to think it was a particular problem with autism but woo-wee are people ultra sensitive these days about everything. Snowflake I believe, is the current term- whatever.

    The slightest miscue, the unexpected response, the behavior of others is now viewed as a direct, personal, deliberate offense against YOU.

    It's not.

    Whatever someone reacts to- whatever is going on- chances are it has nothing to do with you. Someone expresses strong feelings- (hello autistic folks) when they're upset, maybe they are having a bad hair day- don't mind it. If they keep doing it, kindly tell them to chill.

    Then there are people who don't see their behavior is rude, boorish, or disrespectful regardless. Some men think they can be creepy, mean or sexualize women in a demeaning way then laugh it off when called on it. "Oh don't be so sensitive". If you have to be told repeatedly to knock it off- do so or run the risk of being permanently labeled an asshole.

    Assumptions can linger and be carried around for far too long because they weren't tested.

    Story time: a fellow was "let go" as the nice term goes, at an office job. Feeling dejected and rightfully angry as he left, a co-worker asked if he was alright. He didn't speak to or acknowledge that person for over a year because he assumed she knew about his firing and was being coy.

    A year, it took him that long to figure out he misinterpreted her remark. It was only when he apologized she learned the real reason for his cold snubbing.

Whole friendships, families and business partnerships have been ruined based on a simple misunderstanding.

    I used to think a woman at the dojo where I train aikido, didn't like me because of her indifference. Then I watched how she acted much the same with others and realized it was her not me.

    We have to ask ourselves, is this person's behavior normal? Does this incident fit a pattern, is it consistent or one time? What's going on with their life? A simple inquiry will help discover the answer.

    "Say Bob you seem a little tense today, what's up?" you may ask in a friendly concerned tone. Now Bob might make the assumption about your intentions because of his mood, but that's his problem.

    What's missing with assumptions is critical thinking. Something admittedly difficult in an emotional state. That's why y'all need to calm down, back away and wait to communicate as clearly as possible with the best intentions to avoid misplaced anger, disappointment or worse-drama.

    Forgive people for occasionally being a jerk and they will do the same for you.