The Autism Files: Empathy Strikes Back

(Disclamer. Fancy terms, scientists love them. Labeling and defining everything gives it a special distinction. Remember neurotic? Very popular in the 70's and 80's until it was apparent everyone had a hang up and it became passé. Same with co-dependent and enabling, we're all doing that in one way or another.

         Neurology has created a whole nomenclature (that's a fancy word for fancy words on a particular subject) when it comes to mental disorders, especially autism.

         Anyone who isn't autistic is alistic except we already have a word for that: normal, oh excuse me neurotypical, but the opposite of neurotypical is not autistic, it's neurodivergent. Can we make things more confusing? Certainly, I'm a woman or rather a cisgender female. Whatever. For simplicity sake I use ASD for autistics and NT for everyone else. Deal with it.)

         ASD's have long been accused of lacking empathy, being aloof, indifferent, even sociopathic. No, ASD's  are often overwhelmed with feeling and shut down so expressing emotions is difficult which the NT misinterprets. What we have here is a failure to communicate.

         It's often the ASD's work to put in the effort to be understood while the NT does not, so the ASD is blamed for the confusion because the directions or the right reaction are obvious to the NT. Now the ASD is stressed because they don't want to upset anyone and doubt their ability to grasp the situation. From the NT's point of view their request seems simple and-- what is wrong with this person?

         It turns out both sides have what is called ‘The double empathy problem' a theory by Dr. Damian Milton that emerged in the early 2010s many autistic people agreed with, but until now hasn’t been shown by science.

         “This impacts how autistic people are viewed,” said Rachel Cheang autistic researcher at Brunel University London’s Centre for Cognitive Neuroscience.

" If they're feeling happy about something and nobody's recognizing that, people won't celebrate the joy with them. And if they're feeling sad about something, it’s not recognized that person might be upset or sad about something. So, then they'll be lacking support or commiseration from people around them.”

         File under duh. No wonder ASD's are a higher risk of depression and suicide. Instead of reacting with frustration or anger, try curiosity and compassion to figure what the hell is going on instead of making assumptions. Everyone benefits.